Warnings: m/m/m, angst, hurt/comfort and domestic discipline
Summary: A bullet changes the lives of three men.
Archive: Let me know first.
Disclaimers: No copyright infringement is intended. The X-Files belong to the Fox Network and Chris Carter and 1013 Productions and basically not me.
Notes: Thank you Ursula for the beta and the wonderful title, and of course, her infinite patience. The word "Diamond" comes from the Greek word "Adamas", which means indestructible.
I stood by and watched while Skinner fired another bullet into Alex Krycek, knocking him back into the black car he had been hiding behind. I was frozen to the spot, not really believing it was happening. Krycek was threatening to kill me after all these years and after all we had been through.
We had a tumultuous relationship. He betrayed me; I beat him up. He would pass information to me and I would beat him up some more. That was our pattern, until the day I stopped hitting him with my fists and started hitting him with my dick.
The ever-present line between us was finally breached, my own personal rat was wild and untamed and our coupling was always tinged with a certain amount of violence. I was able to fuck him without guilt, as long as our sex was rough and he didn't try and snuggle up to me afterwards.
Many times, I had to move to the couch after mind-blowing sex to keep the boundaries of our affair firmly drawn, after I realized I was starting to fall in love with him. I didn't want it to happen and would never verbalize my feelings, preferring to keep the upper hand.
Apparently, Krycek had fallen for me hard when we had first met and that was a heady feeling to deal with. It didn't explain the betrayals, but it did explain why he was always around, passing me information and trying to protect me, in his own warped way. I sought pleasure in his body, but remained at arms length, until the adoration in his big green eyes became too much of a burden to ignore.
I ended our liaisons after Walter Skinner and I found our way into each others arms, another surprise. I was unprepared for the depth of my feelings for Skinner; the stern stone-faced AD had turned out to be a strong passionate lover. Ours was an equal coupling, neither of us taking the dominant position, but it had taken awhile to let Krycek go.
Telling Krycek there was someone else, was harder than I would have ever imagined. I told him we were doomed from the start and it was better to end it before someone got hurt. Even as the words had left my lips, I knew it was too late. He remained stoic, but couldn't hide the flash of hurt in his expressive eyes.
And here we all stood, my new lover shooting to kill my ex-lover. But it didn't make sense; it was as if Krycek wanted to be stopped, as if he wanted...
Krycek's head jerked around at the sound of my voice and then crumpled as Skinner's third bullet pierced the side of his skull. I raced to the fallen man's side, rolling him over and smearing blood across my suit.
I pulled Krycek's limp body into my arms, screaming for Skinner to call an ambulance; I could feel that he was still breathing.
"Don't die on me you, bastard," I managed to choke out in-between my tears.
Skinner just stood there with his Glock hanging limply in his hand. Doggett came racing around the corner and skidded to a stop. He kept looking between Skinner and us.
"Call a fucking ambulance; he's still alive!" I shouted, enraged they were standing there not doing a damn thing.
"On it." Doggett pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911; I could hear him giving the dispatcher the gory details.
"Man down, three bullet wounds, one in the head."
So fucking cold and precise, while my Alex is lying here dying.
Skinner stood frozen, his face a mask of horror. I kept rocking Alex in my arms begging him not to leave me. Skinner didn't know about my affair with Alex Krycek. How could I tell my current lover, that I had been sleeping with the enemy? I guess he would figure it out now.
The ambulance arrived and I demanded to go with them, but they refused to let me accompany them. Skinner came over and offered to drive me to the hospital behind the ambulance.
I just glared at the man, my lover, the bastard. How did I ever think that I was in love with him? I don't even know this man! The Walter Skinner I was in love with would never shoot a man down like a rabid dog.
The driver finally agreed to let me ride with them, since time was of the essence, and our arguing was holding them up. They almost lost Alex twice on the race to the hospital.
Once inside, they rushed him off to surgery leaving me alone.
Doggett and Skinner arrived shortly after the ambulance did, with Scully not far behind. My partner and best friend rushed to my side trying to offer comfort, but I pushed her away, she didn't know about Alex and me either, and I didn't want to get into it with her. Scully had a mean temper at times, and even more since we had William.
My frustration and anger had reached a boiling point, this whole fucking mess I call my life, is not worth a damn. The X-files is a burnt joke, a fire destroying a lifetime's work, the never ending quest to find my sister Samantha, the evidence against the Consortium and Spender always snatched from my fingers at the last minute, everything in my life seemed to conspire against me.
The operation lasts for what seemed like days. The surgeon explained the bullet had entered the right temple, penetrated the skull, tearing through the front of the brain and damaged both the prefrontal lobes, before lodging in Alex's left forehead.
The brain had been disrupted on both sides; Skinner had given Alex a partial lobotomy. He was in a coma and, until he woke up, we wouldn't know the extent of the damage.
Skinner tried to approach me, I wouldn't listen; I didn't want to listen. Nothing he could say or do would ever make this right. Nothing would ever be right again.
I looked into the room where they had moved Alex. His head was bandaged; tubes and wires were attached to every available surface of his body. Monitors beeped out the status of his life signs. It numbed me to see my wild and vibrant lover like this.
'Damn you, Alex, why did you do this? I thought you were a survivor.'
Fox won't even look at me. Doesn't he understand I was trying to protect him from the rat bastard? He's acting like Krycek means something to him and I mean nothing. All I want to do is take him in my arms and protect him. I love him, doesn't he understand that, I couldn't just stand there and let Krycek kill him.
I've never seen Fox so angry, he's even pushing Scully away, I don't know what he'll do if Krycek dies, he's lost so many people, one more could send him over the edge.
I watched as Fox paced back and forth through the hospital corridor. I tried to reach out to my beautiful lover, to comfort him and he just pushed me away and stormed off. I wanted to follow, but perhaps he needs time to cool off and calm down.
Scully gave me a hard look; she's probably wondering what happened between Fox and me. I give her a nod, indicating I would be okay and she ran after her partner. I slumped my shoulders in defeat, 'What have I done?'
Doggett came up and placed his hand on my arm, telling me he would take care of everything, including the mess left behind in the garage. Good old dependable John Doggett, he will make a great Assistant Director someday.
Scully came back without Fox in tow and put a comforting hand own my arm, but there is no comfort. She gave Doggett a barely perceptible nod in acknowledgment to let her take over.
"I lost him. He took off running and I didn't follow." Scully paused, thinking about her next words. But all I could concentrate on were her first words, because that was what I feared. That I had lost him.
"Sir, perhaps you should go home, I'll call you when we know something."
I nod, I could use a drink, but I also don't want to leave Fox here without understanding why he's turned away from me. Scully must have read my face, she placed her small arms around me and hugged me against her petite frame, but I can find no comfort in her arms. She has always been there for me, if I had been smart, I would have fallen in love with her.
"Mulder will come back, Walter." Her use of my first name doesn't escape me, she is thinking the worst. "You both love each other too much, to let anything come between you, it'll work out."
Her words are hollow, but I tried to take comfort in them. I kissed the top of her head and returned the hug.
"Dana, I don't know if it will work out, but thank you. Call me." I try and give her a reassuring smile, but I know it's false and I'm sure she can see through it. I headed home to a big empty house and a bottle of whiskey.
I've been sitting in his hospital room just watching. Visiting hours have been over for a while, but I can't go. He woke up today and smiled at me. I sit beside his bed watching him sleep.
My fingers gently brush the tangled mop of bangs from his forehead, and he relaxed at my touch. His eyelids fluttered momentarily, but they don't open.
"Fox?" he murmured thickly, imploringly. "Fox?"
"I am here, Alex," I very softly whispered.
I withdraw my hand from the soft skin of his forehead, and his expression tightens further, troubled. Another soft, pained whimper escaped him, and I heard him whisper, "At least hold me, Fox? Just for tonight?"
His voice is slightly slurred. I think, I felt, more than heard his words.
I climb onto the bed beside him. Although I don't join him beneath the covers, I still encircle his body against mine. My legs nestle against the backs of his knees, my chin settling his shoulder and my arm looping around his waist. His fingers twine with mine, and I content myself with merely feeling the rise and fall of his chest against mine.
With a feeling akin to regret weighing upon my heart, I press a gentle, whispering kiss to his cheek and I extract myself from his arms. Fitfully, he shifted onto his back as I left the bed and his warmth.
I know how he feels, I know how I feel, and I am intentionally cruel to both of us. I'm just scared. Scared of him, scared of myself, scared of love. I turn over to look at him. He is curled up to where I had been laying, his face partially buried in the pillow my head had been laying on. He's so beautiful.
I realized then how much I truly did love him, now that I had almost lost him forever and that made me hate him even more. I hated Skinner for what he had done to Alex, but I hated myself most of all for letting it come to this.
Krycek finally came out of his coma. He was lucid and alert, but his speech patterns were shaky and somewhat slurred. The doctors ran a barrage of tests trying to determine the amount of damage.
I hated how he always brightened when Fox came around; trying to talk in some garbled mix of Russian and English. He didn't remember what happened or why he was shot and Fox never told him. It surprised me. With the way Fox was acting, I was sure he would tell Krycek about the shooting. As Krycek's speech became more coherent, we were able to determine all of his memories were intact except for the shooting.
I kept up daily visits in hope of a chance to talk to Fox, but he continued to ignore my presence. This wasn't the man I love. Fox was always a little moody, given to long periods of sulking, but I had never seen him so filled with anger.
The Fox Mulder I fell in love with is a gentle, playful lover. He taught me how to have fun, how to let loose. We would laugh in bed, something I had never done with a lover before. Sharon and I were passionate lovers and the sex was always very good, but then it became serious and almost a job, especially after deciding to try and have a child.
All that changed with Fox. Our lovemaking was different and new each time, never a chore.
Scully told me about the argument; I was at the office putting in my retirement papers. I had made the decision to retire and take care of Krycek until he was physically able to return to Fox. It was the least I felt I could do to make some sort of amends.
Scully said the jest of the argument was Fox didn't want Krycek involved in his life anymore. As Fox stormed out of Krycek's room, he knocked into me. He exploded in a fit of cursing, telling me how I had ruined our relationship and he couldn't stand to look at me let alone work with me and he was headed to the Hoover to ask for a transfer.
I informed he didn't need to transfer, because I was retiring and then I told him about my plan to help Krycek through his rehabilitation. Fox was shocked, but sneered that it was only right way to pay for my crime. The crime that had been covered up neatly by Doggett.
Scully tried to talk me out of taking in Krycek, being the one voice of reason in this whole disaster, but my mind was made up. The guilt of what I had done was eating me alive, it might be the wrong and the most illogical thing to do, but it was all I could think of. Maybe in time Fox would forgive me.
I walked into the room after I stood and watched Fox until he disappeared down the corridor. Krycek was flipping through the channels, seemingly unfazed by Fox's abrupt departure and the heated argument. He smiled at me with this inane grin.
"Hi Walter, you just missed Fox."
Walter? Did I miss something? I can see his face is blotchy and his eyes are red and puffy from crying, but he acts like nothing out of the ordinary has happened. And since when did the boy call me Walter?
I explained to him that when he is ready to leave the hospital, he would be coming home with me. He seemed happy about it and asked if Fox is going to live there too. He doesn't act nervous or afraid to be going home with me. Maybe all his memories weren't intact. He apparently has forgotten we were never friends and never would be.
Krycek acts upset for about a second then says it was okay, he was sure Fox just needed some time. I was now sure his brain was more addled than we first thought.
I tried, but two more stubborn men I never want to meet again. Mulder refuses to even talk about the situation we have found ourselves in, let alone talk about Walter Skinner and his insane decision to take Alex Krycek home with him.
Lord knows I talked until I was blue in the face, but Skinner had made up his mind to accept the responsibility of caring for Krycek during his rehabilitation, no matter how long it would take.
I explained to him that Krycek's needs could be met at an institution, that taking care of Krycek wasn't his duty. But Skinner wouldn't listen even when I suggested that it wouldn't help him reconcile his relationship with Mulder.
Krycek had a lot of problems and many would not manifest or be apparent for a while. The doctors biggest concern is the tiny seizures Krycek experiences.
Unless youre watching, you wouldn't really notice. He just stops and then restarts, they only last for about thirty seconds, but the result is he can't drive or be left alone completely, at least until they can get him started on a proper combination of medication. The doctors explained the seizures are infrequent enough not to be overly concerned about them, just something to watch out for.
The doctors hoped that with time and medication the seizures would lessen and possibly disappear altogether, but the behavioral problems would have to be dealt with as they appeared.
Definitely making life more interesting for his new caretaker.
I explained as best I could in layman terms, what Skinner should be watching for and when to decide if the problem was serious enough and needed to be addressed by a professional, whether a medical doctor or psychologist.
But what really constituted a change in behavior if you didn't know that person? None of us really knew Alex Krycek at all.
One of the more obvious effects of the brain trauma was Krycek's speech. He bounced between English and Russian without knowing he did so. It had lessened over the past few weeks, but flared up again during times of emotional stress, which were as frequent as Mulder's visits.
His memory seemed intact, except for the shooting, which explained why he didn't seem fearful when Skinner dropped by to visit. We all carefully avoided bringing up the subject.
Short-term memory loss is not uncommon, but his memories of past events were dissociative, he talked about his past like it was someone else's, although he never denied it was him. It was sort of a revisionist version of his history. Krycek insisted everything he had done was all part of a plan to help Mulder in the long run and his role had been crucial to that plan.
I didn't believe the rat bastard a minute, brain injury or not, confused or not, he was a liar.
On many occasions, Mulder took advantage of this confusion by interrogating Krycek to the point of harassment. He had a lot of questions that had bothered him for years answered, most of it amazingly easy to verify, but I don't think Mulder liked all of the answers.
Krycek always appeared eager to help Mulder, getting excited every time Mulder came into the room; that bothered me.
What bothered me more was watching the hospital monitors of Krycek's room and seeing his extreme depression when Mulder became agitated with him and when Mulder left Krycek's hospital room. The last proved to me that Krycek was not being manipulative or putting on an act, but that he had become abnormally attached to my partner.
I explained to Skinner about Krycek's manic behavior, all his emotions coming in short bursts, a common symptom with brain trauma. Krycek also had difficulty with decision-making, probably why he expressed no problem about going home with Skinner when he should have been fearful of the man he had so callously controlled with those damn nanobots.
When doctors released Krycek, they gave Skinner a list of appointments for physical and psychological therapy sessions Krycek would need to attend and a data sheet explaining things for Skinner to watch for in his behavior, plus some preliminary medications Krycek needed to take. The list seemed endless, but Skinner remained adamant about taking him home.
Included on the list were alternative behavior modification techniques he could try. I guess when this is all over; Skinner would have himself a well-trained pet rat.
I was being catty and I know it, but no matter how much compassion I could manifest for the injured man, the facts remained, Krycek had hurt all of our families and us and destroyed any chance for Mulder and Skinner to have a happy life together.
For that alone, I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive him.
I'm not sure when I had fell in love with Alex Krycek, the feelings snuck up on me when I wasn't looking and planted deep roots in my heart, where I thought only Fox Mulder belonged.
When I first brought Krycek home from the hospital, we fought constantly about anything and everything. I had hoped my next housemate would be Fox, not some annoying rat that strutted around the house trying to take over and acting like he owned the place. I was hostile to him, I resented Krycek's presence and found fault at every turn.
I had given Krycek a guided tour of my house, and at the master bedroom, Krycek hesitated for a moment then jumped into the middle of my king-size bed.
"This isn't your room, it's mine." I could barely contain my anger; once again thinking this was all a big mistake.
Krycek popped out his full bottom lip into an award winning pout, rivaling Fox on his best day.
He's adorable. I stopped myself, since when did I start thinking about Krycek as adorable. God I miss Fox.
I escorted Krycek to the guest room I had set up for the younger man before he was released from the hospital, pointing out the bathroom and then the closet and dresser now filled with the new clothes I had purchased for him.
Krycek shrugged and hopped on the bed, glancing around the room for a moment and then leaning back with a sigh.
"Nice digs. Better than a lot of places I've stayed."
He looked up and smirked the irritating smile that I had grown to loathe over the past six years. I held my breath and tried to keep control of my rising temper.
I willed myself not let him bait me into a confrontation. This is for Fox. I kept repeating the litany over again in my mind, I could put up with the infuriating little rat bastard, for Fox.
Krycek was demanding, ill tempered and basically a pain in my ass. I never felt like I had a moments peace during those first weeks, only at night when I was in bed with the door locked, not that I was afraid, I could handle Krycek just fine, but it was the only alone time I felt I had anymore.
I wasn't worried whether Krycek would take off or not either, and I didn't really care. I was doing my best to take care of Krycek and if he didn't appreciate it and wanted to go then I wasn't going to stop him.
Retirement had been the easiest decision; I had turned in my papers to the bureau before Krycek was released from the hospital. I was tired of the politics, and I couldn't face seeing Fox everyday at the office, especially since our last meeting at the hospital ended so disastrously and he had stormed out. I had tried calling on several occasions, but Fox never returned my calls.
At least Scully was still talking me, she had taking up a teaching position at Quantico so she could spend more time with William, but tried to keep me updated on Fox's activities and encouraging me not to give up.
She had found a happy place in her life with her child and now wanted to see everyone just as happy. Scully never failed to mention what a mistake taking Krycek in was for mine and Fox's relationship, she kept insisting that he should institutionalized if he couldn't function on his own, and better yet put in prison. Most of the time I agreed.
Krycek had hurt all of us through the years and I couldn't help hating and blaming him for tearing Fox and me apart. If Krycek hadn't threatened Fox, I would never have shot him. If I hadn't of shot Krycek, I believe in my heart, Fox and I would still be together. And I wouldn't be taking care of a six foot tall rat who acted like I owed him, and I resent that my own upbringing and conscious keeps telling me, no matter how difficult, I'm doing the right thing.
Prison wasn't a viable option, because the bureau had no hard evidence linking Krycek to any crime, only the FBI's suspicions. Institutionalizing Krycek wouldn't work either, he wasn't an invalid, he only needed watched closely enough, so he couldn't cause harm to himself or others. Living with here with me would be the easiest way to keep an eye on him. Or, so I thought.
I'm not by nature a violent man, and although I keep myself top physical condition, working out and boxing, I preferred handle confrontations peaceably and without violence, so I think it took both of us by surprise the first time I bent Krycek over my knee and gave him a well deserved spanking.
I had been outside mowing the lawn, Krycek usually hid out if there were any chores to be done; I figured the boy was afraid of anything that resembled physical labor. When I had finished and returned inside to shower and change from my sweaty clothes, I found the living room in shambles.
Books were scattered everywhere, all the drawers were opened and the coffee table had been knocked over. We all still had enemies out there, although everything had remained quiet for sometime, I couldn't help conjuring up the worst-case scenario. I ran from room to room, calling out Krycek's name and finding each room in the same disastrous shape.
I paused half way upstairs. I could feel the steamy air wafting down the staircase. I felt my face grow hot; I was furious, I stomped up the remaining stairs and stormed into Krycek's room.
Damn it, the little bastard's done it again and for the last time. Krycek liked to run the hot water tank dry, running the faucet in the shower at full blast until the room resembled a sauna, leaving me with only cold water to shower with.
We had talked about it repeatedly, common courtesy, don't use all the hot water. Krycek would have known I would be coming in, tired and dirty from lawn work and needing a hot shower, so it was exactly what it appeared, a deliberate act of disrespect.
Krycek strolled out of the bath wearing the black robe I had bought for him, smiling like he had done nothing out of the ordinary.
"What's up, Walter?"
Walter? He still has no right to call me Walter. I was fuming. It was just another example of his continuous disrespect and disregard for his position in my home.
Before Krycek could utter another word, I grabbed him and flipped his annoying, disrespectful ass over my knee. I shoved the robe off Krycek's now raised ass and began administering a series of short stinging slaps to his still damp butt.
It wasn't right; discipline should in theory be consensual between adults, but I no longer felt like I was dealing with an adult. Krycek behaved like a disobedient child and I decided to punish him like one.
Krycek kicked and screamed and cursed, but I was too strong and held onto him easily enough, pinning his arms against his lower back.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Krycek? What the hell happened downstairs?" I asked him punctuating the words with a stinging smack to each butt cheek.
"I asked you a question, boy, and you will answer me. Now! And no more cursing or it's just going to get worse."
"Stop it, Skinner, you can't do this to me!"
"I can damn well do what I please. This is my house, you're only a guest here." I sneered out the guest part, adding a particularly hard slap.
"You will not use all the hot water. Respect. That's all I am asking for, a little respect."
"Stop...Please stop. I didn't do anything wrong."
He has no clue. Just another sign of Krycek's self-absorbed psyche and lack of conscious.
"You didn't do anything wrong? How about that mess down stairs, for starters? How about never lifting a hand to help out around here?"
I began a series of powerful smacks to Krycek's upper thighs, causing an instant renewal in Krycek's legs kicking. My hand was beginning to swell and I could feel the heat radiating up my arm, but there was no way I was going to stop. My anger was fueled by thoughts of the past and the destruction of my future relationship I had hoped to have with Fox.
"While you are living here, you will start doing what I say and start showing me a little respect, or we are going to spend a whole lot of time in this position."
"Do. You. Understand. Me."
He didn't answer, Krycek's struggles were weakening and he was no longer screaming and cursing. I continued the spanking, turning Krycek's butt a bright crimson, concentrating on the sit spot and the sensitive crease area where his thighs met his ass cheeks. Remembering how much that area hurt when my parents spanked me.
Abruptly his struggling ceased completely and Krycek started to sob. I was surprised but didn't stop, keeping the smacks in a random pattern, until the sobs became barely audible gulps of airs. Krycek just lay there sobbing and trying to catch his breath.
I shifted him and was just about to stand the crying rat on his feet, when he surprised me by rolling up into my arms and clinging desperately to my neck. I was completely taken back.
He kept saying something, but I couldn't understand amidst the sobbing, gulps for air and spattering of Russian. I could feel Krycek's hot tears against my neck, soaking into my shirt collar.
I was in the middle of trying to untangle myself from him when I finally made out what Krycek was saying and it wasn't at all what I had suspected. The words took a moment to sink in.
"It's not fair. You think I can't do anything right. I try to keep out of your way, but you still get mad at me. I'd leave if I could," he cried.
"What's stopping you?"
"I don't have anyplace to go. I can't take care of myself," Alex sobbed, his voice despairing.
I unwrapped his arms from around my neck and held the distraught young man back to look at his face. Alex was a mess. Eyes red and puffy, tears still streaming down his blotchy face, upturned nose smeared with snot, bottom lip swollen and bleeding from where he had bit into it in his struggle not to cry out.
"Why do you hate me?"
How could he not know why I hated him? He had ruined my life and my future with the man I loved, not to mention the years of betrayal and least of all the nanobots. He is only living here for my penance.
When I didn't answer right away, Alex's sobs worsened. He was on the edge of becoming hysterical, when unable to look into Alex's desolate face any longer and my innate compassion winning against my anger, I lied.
"Shush now, I don't hate you. It's all over, everything will be all right." The words burning on my tongue, even as I realized I wanted him to stay.
I pulled Alex tightly against my chest and wrapped my arms around him. I started rubbing small, gentle circles on his back, letting the younger man cry it out. When the sobs turned into sniffles and then into a hitched breathing, I realized Alex had fallen asleep.
I slowly rose. Cradling Alex in my arms, I turned around and gently settled him into bed. Mindful of Alex's enflamed and swollen backside, I carefully slipped the rest of the robe off him and then eased the covers up over Alex's shoulder, tucking him in.
I stood staring at him a long time, a wave of tenderness toward the sleeping man flowed through me. Alex Krycek looked like an innocent child I was sure he wasn't, but something had changed and I wasn't sure I wanted to examine too closely what that change was.
I turned and left the room, shutting off the light and closing the door. I didn't lock my bedroom door for the first time in weeks.
The next morning, I was surprised to find Alex curled up asleep on the floor beside my bed and I almost stepped on him when I went to get up. I cautiously extended my foot down and nudged him.
Alex blinked up at me and smiled, then closed his eyes again, snuggling down into his blanket. I nudged him with my foot again.
"Alex, get up. What are doing in my room?"
"Sleeping." That was obvious, but didn't really address my question.
"Why are you sleeping on the floor in my room?" I asked patiently. Two green eyes peered up at me from the blanket-covered lump on the floor.
"I didn't want to be alone."
I was confused, since he had moved in, Alex had never mentioned not wanting to be left alone and had spent every night up until now in his own room. Unless...
"Alex? Where do you usually sleep?"
"On the floor outside your door, it's usually locked, but since it wasn't last night, I thought it would be okay if I slept here." His eyes pleaded with me that it was okay and not to be mad.
"It's all right Alex, you just surprised me is all, but I don't think it's good for you to sleep on the floor."
"The floor is okay." He shrugged his shoulders and looked away.
"Don't pout, and you're not sleeping in the floor again. Understand me?"
"We never did discuss what happened yesterday. Do you feel like letting me know why you trashed the house?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? Or you don't want to tell me?" I realized Alex was getting anxious at thought of being in trouble, so I softened my voice.
"It's okay, Alex, I'm not going to punish you again, but we need to talk about it to prevent it from happening again."
"I...I get really mad sometimes."
"Everything. I hate not being able to do the things I used to do and I hate being alone and I hate being so clumsy."
"Well, have you talked to your therapist about this." Alex had a standing appointment twice a week with a psychologist to help him deal with the some of the long-term emotional effects from the brain injury.
"He's a quack. He says that until I start facing reality, instead of the fantasy past he thinks I created, we won't move forward." Alex folded his arms across his chest in a defensive posture; clearly offended the therapist didn't believe him.
"He says I'm lying about the Consortium and the aliens and that I was an agent. I'm not lying, but he won't believe me."
I could understand the psychologist's viewpoint, had I not lived through the past six years, I wouldn't believe it either. "And what exactly is it that you miss doing?" I couldn't help but wonder, what Alex did miss doing; I was unprepared for the answer.
It sounded trivial, and Alex knew why he wasn't allowed to drive, but he probably wanted back some of his independence. All he had seen for the last month was the inside of my house, and although up until now he had not said anything, he was apparently growing restless.
"You understand why you shouldn't drive, there a chance you might have a seizure, and Alex, you're not clumsy, but your depth perception is off making it risky to let you behind the wheel of a car."
"But I want to go out, I used to be free to go wherever I wanted, now I can't go anywhere."
"I'm not holding you prisoner, if you want to leave, leave. I don't lock the doors or chain you up; you can go anytime you want. But, Alex, you know the risks."
"Can we go to the park?"
I felt a headache building from trying to follow Alex's thought processes. "Maybe later, let's get back to why you trashed the house."
"Oh that, um...I was looking for the remote."
"You were what!" I couldn't believe all the damage done, just for a lost TV remote.
"Are you going to spank me again?"
"No, Alex, we took care of that last night. I'm just trying to understand this." I rubbed the bridge of my nose, a nervous habit I developed dealing with Mulder and Scully. I tried to calm myself down by taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
"Do you know how worried I was? I found the house trashed, you nowhere to be found. Alex, I thought something horrible had happened. That maybe someone had broke in and taken you. Then I find you upstairs taking a shower, damn it Alex, what was going through that head of yours."
"Well, when I couldn't find the remote down stairs, I thought maybe I had left it in the bedroom. And then, I don't know, I thought a shower sounded nice." He explained everything like his actions had been perfectly normal.
"You thought a shower sounded nice? What happened to finding the remote?"
I took another calming breath, "You forgot, and I suppose you just happened to forget, I was outside mowing, and would want and need a hot shower when I came in."
"I'm sorry, Walter." I was finding it hard to stay angry; he looked so genuinely remorseful.
"Alex, why do you take so many showers?"
"I only take one a day," Alex stated firmly. "I can't help it if I choose the wrong time to take one. It's not like I do it on purpose."
"Alex," I responded slowly as if talking to a child, "You have taken at least two showers a day since you moved in, and on more than one occasion you have taken as many as five."
"I'm not saying you're wrong, but I think I would remember taking that many showers in one day." Alex turned on his heel and started walking away, the conversation was over as far as he was concerned. I had a different idea.
"A new house rule. No more than one shower a day, unless you have done some work that warrants a second one. We will not have a repeat of yesterday. Understand."
"I understand. I understand that you're not being fair. Walter, I don't remember taking more than one shower."
"The rule stands. Go get dressed and we'll have breakfast."
He left the room mumbling something under his breath. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but I think I heard the word mean. No one ever accused me of that before, stern maybe, I even recall hearing someone call me surly, but never mean.
I started making more of an effort to watch Alex without immediately thinking he had an ulterior motive or finding fault in him at every turn. Going over the past few weeks in my mind, I realized I had been extremely hard and critical of everything he said or did.
I asked him to talk about the repetitive showering with the therapist, but Alex refused on the grounds that if he couldn't remember and how could he discuss something he had no memory of doing.
I set up a small chart on the bathroom door in his bedroom, listing the days of the week and little check boxes Alex could mark after he took a shower. Instead of helping Alex, the chart caused him undue emotional distress. He didn't try to lie or skip marking the chart to sneak in a shower, but he became agitated because the evidence clearly showed he already had his one shower for the day.
I felt bad that my idea had upset him so badly. I thought, maybe talking about it would help. I decided to sit him down and force him to talk about it. Little did I know I was opening a whole new set of issues to deal with.
"Alex, think. Why do you want to take another shower?" He shrugged his shoulders in response. I was learning to read Alex's body language and his shrugs usually meant I needed to be more specific with my questions.
"What were you thinking about, right before you decided to take a shower?"
"I was remembering things, about my past." He started chewing on his fingernails and wouldn't meet my eyes.
I reached over and pulled his hand away from his mouth, then placed it in his lap. Alex looked at his hand instead of my face. "Things I did."
"You're going to have to be more specific, you did a lot of things, bad things."
"But why'd I do it?"
"You told Mulder, when you were in the hospital, that you were trying to help him, that the things you were doing needed to be done."
We were sitting on the sofa, and I had noticed during our conversation, Alex was slowing inching nearer to me.
"I know that here." Alex pointed to his head. "But, it doesn't feel right here." He moved his hand down to his heart." His beautiful green eyes were filled with misery. All I wanted to do was take him in my arms and protect him from his memories. But I knew, Alex needed to start coming to terms with what he had done.
It appeared Alex was learning to deal with a guilty conscious. Maybe he was beginning to realize he made the wrong choices, no matter how much he tried to rationalize them. I learned those hard lessons from Vietnam; duty to your country won't erase the guilt of killing hundreds of people.
"What part of your past are you remembering right now?"
"Tunguska. I was all alone; I couldn't go to anyone for help. They tried to cut off my arm; I almost bled to death in the forest. All I could think about is that Fox left me there to die."
He was unconsciously rubbing his left arm where the scar was located. It was an ugly testament to how hard Alex must of struggled to get free before they could complete the task. But it didn't let him off the hook for what happened to Mulder in the gulag.
"Mulder said the only reason he left you behind was you jumped out of the truck when he was trying to escape."
"It wasn't like that Walter, I was trying to get us out of there with hard evidence of the black oil. I never wanted to lay eyes on that shit again, but Fox needed the evidence. I was trying to help."
"Mulder was infected!"
"He was immunized!"
"Why didn't they 'immunize' you, Alex?" I sneered out. It was hard to stay calm; he was talking about infecting Mulder with a potentially dangerous alien like it was for his own good.
"I was already immune from when the oil alien possessed me back in Hong Kong."
"Mulder said you betrayed him to the Russians."
"I didn't betray him, I was trying to secure our release."
"And just how did you do that?"
"I...I slept with the company commandant in trade for our freedom."
"You whored yourself and left Mulder to suffer, while you slept in a warm bed."
"Anything would be better than having one of them in me again." Alex threw his head back with a defiant look I remembered well. A little of the rat bastard persona coming out and he didn't even realize it, but it disappeared just as quickly.
"Walter, I couldn't go through with having the oil in me again, I just couldn't. Please you don't understand what I went through in the silo. I was all alone with the alien coming out of everywhere on my body and I couldn't escape. I was locked in there for days, in the dark, all alone." Alex's voice had trailed off at the last, barely a whisper.
The whole North Dakota incident was never explained to me fully by Mulder and Scully. I had no idea that Alex had been left in there to die by Spender. No wonder the boy hated being alone.
"Sometimes, I can't get clean enough. I can still feel it on my skin. I can still feel their hands, touching me..."
Alex was staring off into space; his eyes glazed and unfocused. The showers started to make sense, he was trying to wash away the memories of the silo and having to whore himself and the memories were tangled up together.
I wondered what other demons came out to haunt Alex during the day, but decided to let him tell me in his own time. For now, I was going to let him have an extra shower, and I was going to have a nice stiff drink. I escorted Alex upstairs to his room; he practically dove for the bathroom door. I waited until I heard the shower come on and then left him on his own and went downstairs for my drink.
Some things were still bothering me about Alex's story. Even if everything he did was to help us in the long run, why was it suddenly bothering him now? I had always assumed Alex didn't have a conscious. I remember how nothing that happened to him or anything he did ever seemed to faze him. Alex had always been the picture of cold, calculated indifference. Was that the only way he could cope with his crimes and the horrible things he had lived through?
Maybe what Alex lost when my bullet pierced his brain was his mask.
"Uh uhm." I could see the startled jerk of the body beneath the blanket, but when the blanket refused to answer, I tried again. "Uh uhm."
"I thought you were asleep." A small voice sounded from beneath the blankets.
"I told you...I can't have you sleeping on the floor. I mean it, Alex, you have a perfectly fine bed to sleep in."
"Okay." Alex rolled to his feet and then shuffled to the door, pillow clutched in his arms and blanket dragging on the floor behind him. His head was drooped so low; his chin was resting against his chest. He was behaving as if I was kicking him out into the cold, instead of just telling him to get off the floor.
"Why would you rather sleep on the floor?" Alex paused at the door, but didn't turn around.
"I don't like being alone, you wouldn't have even known, if I hadn't over slept."
"Alex?" I had to bite back a laugh, I didn't think the boy would find anything humorous in the situation, but Alex's whole demeanor was that of an abused puppy, not of a grown man.
Alex stood at the doorway; he turned half way around and peered at me through lowered lashes. I was holding my comforter up in invitation for him to join me on the bed.
He slowly walked back to the bed and put his pillow down, carefully not meeting my eyes. I guess he was afraid I would change my mind or was playing a joke on him. Alex wrapped his blanket around himself and started to climb in the bed.
"It's plenty warm without that extra blanket." I suggested neutrally.
Alex hesitated, unsure, then straightened back up and unwrapped the blanket, folded it neatly and placed it on foot of bed. He climbed into the bed, curling up and facing away from me. I gently placed the blanket over his shoulders.
"Good night, Walter."
Not so bad, I thought as I settled down, but changed my mind the next morning when I woke up with a warm Alex blanket. It was nice, but I needed to pee and I hoped that was the main reason for my morning erection, I wasn't ready to think about what else might have caused it. As out as Alex was, maybe he wouldn't notice. How was the man ever an assassin, when he sleeps like the dead?
I rolled Alex over on his side and off me; he didn't stir or make any signs of waking. As I got up, I leaned over and tucked the blanket back under Alex's chin. He looked incredibly sweet and young when he was asleep, I couldn't stop my hand from reaching out to brush his bangs off his forehead.
Shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, I headed to the bathroom to take care of business. While I showered and shaved, I thought about the changing dynamics of our relationship.
We fell into comfortable routine, I noticed Alex was very good at following rules but hesitated to make his own decisions, whether it was due to the brain damage or fear of my hand, I wasn't sure. But Alex never hesitated anymore at joining me in bed at night and every morning, I would wake with the younger man draped over me and myself, sporting an erection. I hadn't had this many spontaneous erections since I was a teenager.
I continued watching Alex closely and started to notice many of the other things that were slightly off about him. For one, Alex had lost the gracefulness, I had always associated with him. He no longer moved like a cat, now he ran into corners and staggered a lot.
I also noticed Alex ate quite a bit; I was forever catching him munching on snacks throughout the day. I started to buy less junk and more fruits and vegetables to keep on hand, but Alex didn't seem to mind, as long as there was food.
I decided to put my foot down, when I found myself at the grocery market twice in the same week, so I added yet another rule.
No eating between meals, unless permission is given for a snack. He responded to the new rule with much of the same enthusiasm he had shown the others.
We had just finished a big breakfast of waffles and were trying to decide how to spend the day. I suggested we go to the park, when Alex heard dog barking outside and ran to window.
"Walter, can we get a dog?"
"No, I don't think that would be wise."
"I don't want to take care of it," thinking I had enough to take care of as it was.
Alex started to pout, and no matter how cute he looked, I wasn't going to give in. Remembering Alex's shortened attention span and how easily he was distracted, I asked him if he was hungry.
"Alex, we just finished breakfast not even an hour ago."
"B...but?" Alex glared at me; it was almost comical.
"That's mean." I half expected him to stomp his foot in indignation.
"We have got to try and curb your impulsiveness, make you think before just responding," I replied patiently. "Think about it, are you really still hungry?"
Alex reluctantly shook his head.
"Go upstairs and get dressed and I will take you to the park. You still want to go out, don't you?"
"Yes, um...your not teasing me again are you?"
I gave Alex a pop on his rump. "No, not this time. Go on and hurry up."
Alex leaned up and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then raced upstairs. I was stunned by the chaste kiss, my hand moving involuntarily to my cheek. What was that about?
I was dragging myself up the stairs and into the hallway, every muscle sore and aching. Yard work always seemed to get worse in the fall. All I wanted to do right then was throw myself into bed and leave my body behind in sleep, but, I was so tense, I knew that sleep would be impossible until I had at least washed the dirt and grim from my body and a hot shower would help me relax.
I could hear the shower running, full blast, but instead of anger, I felt a stirring in my groin. I approached the bathroom quietly and stealthily eased the door open...
This obsession was getting out of hand, I thought at first it was because I missed Mulder so bad. It had begun simply enough, just a crush, barely worth mentioning, certainly not worth admitting, and besides, I was a little too old to have a crush.
But night after night of having the warm supple body draped over me, was wearing on my nerves. It also didn't help, that Alex walked around the house most of the time in only his boxers and a t-shirt. But even that was not a good excuse; I watched him no matter what he was wearing. Each new day, I found myself wanting Alex more.
So far, I had been able to hide my early morning erection from him, but as time passed, my body reacted more and more to the sight and feel of Alex. It had gotten to the point; I would wake up in the middle of the night with an aching hard-on I would have to relieve quietly in the bathroom. Only to return to bed and have Alex move right back to draping over me.
Who could blame me for being tempted? Alex's eyes are such an intoxicating shade of green, after all. Why wouldn't I want to look at them? And what red-blooded man or woman wouldn't feel their knees go a little weak if they were faced with sex on two legs day in and day out. I found myself becoming intimately aware of every contour of Alex's body.
I felt bad about violating Alex's privacy, after all, it was me that had set up the rules, but I just couldn't look away.
Alex. Naked and wet. His body stretched toward the ceiling, his back arched, head thrown back under the shower spray as he rinsed the suds from his wet, dark hair. He was a study in sensuality, as if the mere act of showering was more than getting clean, but a lover's caress. I found myself jealous of the hot steamy spray, rolling down Alex's body, touching places I had only dreamed of.
Steam filled the bathroom, obscuring all but a tantalizing outline of Alex's body, the curve of muscle and the line of his back. I was captivated, more thoroughly than a less obstructed view would have done.
My hand slid downward to rub across the bulge in my jeans. The forced admission of my own arousal made me wince, but the evidence was impossible to deny.
Alex, God...do you know? Do you have any idea what you do to me? What I want to do to you? All consciousness was gone, diminished by the one thought of Alex, of wanting that sensual body beneath me.
And then, it was over. Alex bent down to turn off the water; I let my eyes trace the tempting curve of Alex's ass. A hand reached out and pulled a towel behind the curtain. I could see Alex wrapping it around his waist. The shower curtain was yanked open before I could make my escape.
"Walter," Alex said, his voice neutral, "why are you staring at me?"
The question was innocent enough, but I was completely incapable of forming an answer as I watched droplets of water cling to Alex's smooth skin.
A moment of worry flickered in Alex's green eyes, but just as quickly it was wiped away, erased by a dazzling smile.
"I haven't grown horns or anything, have I? Or a tail?" He dropped a corner of the towel as he twisted, theatrically checking for the absence of said extra appendage, and I heard a strangled noise force its way from my throat.
The boy was flirting, deliberately, trying to arouse me. Had he been doing this all along, purposely trying to seduce me? All the remaining blood in my body moved southward.
Alex looked back at me, that trace of concern in his eyes again. "Walter? Are you sure you're okay?"
I tried to force my head up and down in some semblance of a nod. The motion seemed to satisfy Alex, who shrugged and turned away to dig his clothes up off the floor. He let the towel drop, and I was rewarded with a breathtaking expanse of naked skin.
"Walter," said Alex mildly, straightening as he shook out of his sweat pants, "you're making me a bit nervous staring at me like that. I keep wondering if you're waiting for something to explode. Is there something you need?"
My brain, taking a holiday to crawl into the gutter, applied an entirely different meaning to 'need' and 'explode' than the context Alex had intended.
"Walter? I said, 'do you want something?'" Alex was tugging on his boxers, half turned away from me, and glancing at me over his shoulder.
"You," the only word I seemed to be able to articulate.
I could see the disbelief and confusion in the younger man's eyes. "You. I want you," I hastily added. The look on Alex's face was new; I could only describe it one way, stunned.
In two strides, I crossed the bedroom to seized Alex's shoulders and pulled him close, claiming his startled lips in a rough but passionate kiss.
Alex's mouth was soft and yielding, and I plundered it viciously. I pulled Alex's body against me, I could feel the smooth damp skin through my clothes and hear the pounding of Alex's heart against my chest.
"Wal...Walter?" Alex pushed back, gasping for breath, fingers pressed in disbelief against his bruised lips. "Walter, what are you doing?"
"I want you!" I repeated, frustration making my voice crack. I wanted Alex in my arms again. The simplicity of my desire was overwhelming. I had pressed close enough during the kiss to notice Alex's body, at least, was not opposed to my actions. Alex was only wearing boxer shorts, after all.
"Okay, who are you, and what have you done with my Walter?" Alex demanded, trying to make a joke out of the situation and failing as his voice faltered.
I thought the phrase had a nice ring to it. "I am Your Walter," I promised, reaching for Alex again.
Alex swallowed visibly, his stance shifting as he attempted to hide the effect my words had on him. "Oh." It came out more like a squeak.
I pulled him close again, burying my face in the hollow of Alex's neck, spreading eager kisses across the flushed damp skin. I could feel Alex's erection press against my thigh, and then Alex's head fell back as a stunned, eager moan left his lips.
I slid my hand behind Alex's neck, tilting his face upward to crush our lips together. An answering moan burned through my veins as Alex plundered my mouth. I fumbled with the elastic waistband of Alex's boxers; it should have been such a simple task. I heard the thin fabric rip, and yanked it away in frustration.
A very naked, very turned on Alex, was pressed flush against me, gasping into the kiss. My hand caressed the curve of Alex's ass and I rocked against his body.
"Walter?" Alex asked breathlessly, trembling as he rested his head for a moment on my shoulder.
"Why are you? Where did this come fr...OH!" His question broke off in a strangled cry as my hand encircled his eager manhood and jerked lightly.
"God...Walter..." He fumbled ineffectually at my top. "Get these off."
'Why' was apparently no longer important.
I reluctantly let go of Alex long enough to shed my clothes and drop them in a rumpled heap on the floor. The need for the sensation of skin against skin was overwhelming.
"Alex." This wasn't missing Mulder; this was desiring and wanting Alex. I sank to my knees, running my hands down the length of Alex's long legs, drawing a wet trail down Alex's chest and stomach with my tongue. He tasted fresh and clean and so uniquely Alex.
I heard my name gasped as Alex realized my intentions. I felt his fingers stroke across my naked scalp.
I had fantasized about doing this since the first time I had awoke up with an Alex blanket, far too long, I decided, not to take my time and enjoy it. I approached Alex's swollen member, my tongue flicking at the tip, and then swirling around its edge in a slow circle. I heard Alex moan, felt trembling fingers clenching at my head and my own arousal straining upward and slapping my stomach.
I dove for Alex's erection greedily, swallowing him whole. Encouraged by a litany of wordless moans and the soft pressure of the hands urging my head downward, I bobbed my head slowly up and down, swirling my tongue against the throbbing flesh that writhed in my mouth. I licked a drop forming on the tip, and Alex, shaking, pulled reluctantly away.
"Walter," he said, seeming to have some difficulty forming the words between ragged gasps, "are you sure you want this?"
I felt a smirk twisting my face. "Yes."
Alex half staggered backward to the bed and tumbled back onto it. Never one to let an opportunity slip by, I scrambled on top of him.
For the space of several heartbeats, I could do nothing but stare. The boy was simply, beautiful. I crouched above him, sliding my hands down the length of soft damp skin.
Alex's hips bucked under me, reaching, asking for more, his head was thrown back against the pillows tossing back and forth. I wrapped my fingers around the weeping shaft and listened greedily to the desperate moans and whimpers that slipped from Alex's parted lips.
I wanted more. I wanted to claim this beautiful body for my own, to merge until there was nothing left between us. I leaned in close, to once again, claim those perfect lips with a searing kiss.
Alex's fingers clenched against my back, his body arching under mine as an inarticulate moan of longing left his mouth.
"Anything. Anything. Walter...oh God...!"
Hearing those words, and the hunger in Alex's voice nearly sent me over the edge. As Alex began to thrust fervently against me, my fingers found purchase in tangles of damp sable hair and I pushed off of Alex with a desperate growl.
Alex handed me plastic tube, where exactly it had come from, was of no interest to me. Neither was how Alex knew where it was. I coated my hands and my straining erection, then thoroughly lubricated Alex, probably more than was necessary, but I was addicted to the noises I elicited wherever my fingers roamed.
I crawled between Alex's legs, his body trembling with anticipation. Alex wearing nothing but an impish smile hooked his legs over my shoulders and pulled me forward.
Caught in the spell of those beautiful green eyes, I was no longer certain who was seducing whom any longer.
The pleasure of slowly entering Alex, the tight heat surrounding, pressing and swallowing me, was beyond imagination. I bit back a cry, balanced on my hands above my beautiful lover, wanting to do nothing more than plunge as deep as I could, but my body refused to move.
I felt Alex's internal muscles squeeze around my aching cock, prompting me to start moving. Rhythm came to me, in time, and speed as well. Alex rocked against my eager movements as I pounded into him again and again, tears welling in my eyes at the beauty of the moment.
Alex's hands were fisted in the sheets, his arms thrown back over his head, his jackknifed body arching against mine, constricting around me, his seed spilled out into the hollow of his belly. I bent forward and tasted him, twirling my tongue over his torso and around his navel.
The sights and sensations were too much, I exploded all at once, screaming Alex's name desperately, as I shot my own seed into my lover's body. My lover. I collapsed against my new lover's chest, gasping for breath.
"Well?" A smug, sleepy, sated voice whispered in my ear as long fingers stroked along my scalp. "I trust you're not disappointed?"
Some distant part of my brain noted a touch of apprehension in that warm husky voice. I pushed myself up just enough to meet green eyes.
"You enjoyed it too, didn't you?"
"Yes," Alex whispered thickly, wrapping his arms around me as if by holding me close he could merge us into a single entity.
My body and heart all reached a very simple consensus; I would belong to Alex, from now until eternity.
Two days later, Mulder started showing up at the house, asking about how Alex was doing and wanting to spend time with him. I wanted to refuse, telling myself I didn't want Mulder to start harassing or beating on Alex. But the truth was, I worried Alex would want to leave with Mulder, and it broke my heart to think about losing him.
Although he was kind and solicitous toward Alex; Mulder was barely civil to me. I put up with it, seeing how excited Alex became when Mulder would visit. At first they would go to the park, or sometimes Mulder would take Alex to the movies. After awhile, I started leaving them alone at the house when I had errands to run or just needed to get away.
I realized they had resumed a sexual relationship when I discovered bruises on Alex's hips; perfect shaped handprints that were not mine. Of course I was mad, but Alex and I had never discussed our relationship as exclusive, I had just assumed we were. I squelched my jealousy and said nothing.
I did, however, actually reap some benefits from their coupling.
Alex would become extremely affectionate after Mulder would leave, clinging to me and wanting all my attention, which I willing lavished on him. It wasn't always sexual, either. Alex seemed to crave physical contact with me even if it was only snuggling on the couch.
I began to wonder what exactly went on between them. The physical evidence suggested some very rough sex, sometimes too rough in my opinion, but it wasn't my place to criticize, since Alex never complained.
Our sex continued to be very sensual and sweet; I had to be extremely careful when Mulder would leave Alex swollen and sore, finally deciding to let Alex top me. He was nervous as a virgin; it made me wonder if he never topped Mulder. That struck me as unusual since I knew that Mulder liked to receive as much as he liked to pitch.
Alex was gentle with me, treating me like he thought I would break in two. It felt like he had used up all of the lube preparing us. Alex entered me so slow I thought I was going to die from the anticipation. He hit my prostate on the first try, sending blinding stars across my field of vision. Alex set an even pace, pulling out and re-entering more slowly, until it got to be too much.
I squeezed my internal muscle around Alex's lovely cock, encouraging him to pick up the pace. Wanting nothing more than to feel that delicious friction again and again. Alex began thrusting faster, but never hard or rough. He grasped hold of my neglected cock and started pumping in the same rhythm as his thrusts until we both exploded at the same time.
He collapsed on top of me, exhausted, but still planting kisses all over my back and telling me repeatedly how much he loved me. He rolled off me and reached down to retrieve his shirt to clean us off. I indulged him; he seemed to need to take care of me this time. When he finished making sure we wouldn't stick together, I opened my arms and he crawled into them.
I told him how wonderful he was and thanked him for making such sweet love to me. Alex practically glowed at the praise, I reminded myself to compliment him more often than just after sex and for a lot more things.
I could tell he hadn't fallen asleep yet so I asked him if liked rough sex, thinking about the bruises again.
Alex said rough sex didn't bother him, so I rephrased my question to whether he preferred it. It was a simple yes or no answer, but Alex grew quiet. I thought for a moment he wasn't going to say anything when he whispered that Mulder liked it rough.
"Alex, look at me." I rolled him over and tilted his chin up to face me. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. His eyes are so open now and unguarded. He can't lie anymore, even if he tried.
"It's okay, baby." I kissed his forehead and gently pushed his head back down against my chest. He sighed contentedly and drifted off to sleep.
Alex started begging me to let Mulder move in with us. It's ironic. A few short months ago that was what I wanted more than anything. I still want it. I haven't stopped loving Mulder, I never will, but I don't like him very much right now.
I decide give into Alex's nagging, choosing my battles carefully.
Alex keeps begging me to stay, to move in with him and Skinner, but that will never happen. I made sure of it. Skinner hates me. He hates me for rejecting him, after he shot Alex. He hates the hold I have over Alex. He doesn't understand the hold Alex has over me.
I love the way I feel inside him. The hot press of his body around me, the way his muscles spasm each time I reach for his arousal to jerk him off while my hips send short, sharp thrusts into him...its an addiction. I am addicted to Alex.
The fact that he is lying on the bed, naked, helpless, incredibly aroused and pressed under me merely adds to my excitement. I could tie him to the bed and ravage him, if I wanted to, but his feelings for me are stronger than any bonds I could tie him with. I can do anything to him; he is completely at my mercy.
I love all of the little, minute movements that he makes. He is a very tactile person. I even let Alex snuggle with me now after we've had sex. Sometimes, just to exert more control over him before our union, Ill hover above his skin and tell him what a slut he is, and then watch him squirm, trying desperately to initiate contact.
Usually, Ill wait until he begs me to fuck him, then I'll drop down on top of him in a full body contact. He never fails to arch his back and let out a soft, keening wail. I love the noises that he makes while he is beneath me. The whimpers, the moans...
A favorite of mine is the breathless pleading that comes when I stretch him, sliding my slick fingers in and out of him, preparing him for me, or the light gasp he makes during the initial penetration.
My absolute favorite is this particular moan that he makes when I am inside him, thrusting hard and fast, precisely the way he likes it. The way he begs for me to drive into him. This sound may have started life as one prolonged, high-pitched moan coming from somewhere high in his throat, but it comes out in a series of staccato whimpers because of the force with which I am slamming into his hips. When he makes this sound, I know that it is finally time to stop teasing.
Which brings me to Alex's orgasms. They always succeed in stunning me with their intensity and beauty, as well as filling me with an incredible sense of power.
When his eyes are like that, unfocused and glazed, I know that he has completely lost sight of the world around him. They look so soft, untouched by the world and all of its cruelty. This is the only time when Alexs eyes are completely unshadowed, with no fears or old wounds lurking in the background.
That's usually when he starts pleading with me to move in. I keep telling him that Skinner wouldn't want me living with them, that he should leave and move in with me.
It shocked the hell out of me, when Alex said Skinner already agreed to let me move in.
Everything was decided, Mulder would sleep in the guest room and Alex would be free to choose whomever he wanted to sleep with each night. It sounded like an easiest solution to me. But sometimes, I forget, dealing with Alex is never easy.
"Alex, where are you going with my luggage?" Fox asked Alex. I was showing Mulder his room, when Alex started carrying Mulder's bags to our room.
"To our bedroom, where do you think?" Alex continued with his self appointed task.
I tried to dissuade him, but he was having none of it. Mulder was highly amused, but he didn't want to share a room with me either. We both picked up his bags and headed back to the guest room.
"NO! Fox is staying in here, with us." Alex tried to pull the luggage I was carrying out of my hands. He was getting upset. Alex didn't normally openly defy me any longer.
"Alex, when I agreed to let Mulder live with us, I didn't mean for him to share our bed." I was stern but patient, not wanting Alex to cause a scene first thing.
"But how can we be a threesome, if Fox is staying in another room?" Alex pleaded.
Mulder just stood there smirking, letting me be the bad guy. I decided two could play at that game. I gave Mulder a condescending smile, to let him know I knew what he was up to. "You're right, baby. Let's get Mulder settled into our room."
Mulder recovered quickly from his shock and started to unpack. This was going to be wonderful. I felt a migraine coming on.
I woke slowly; enjoying leisurely stretching the well used muscles in my body and remembering just why I felt like I had worked out at the gym.
Sex with Alex is always like full contact wrestling with a wild cat. Alex loved sex to be hard, fast and bordering on brutal.
My hand snaked down and caressed my groin. I was a little sore, but it was the good kind of ache. The kind of ache I could never get tired of.
I bet someone is a lot sorer than me this morning. I snickered to myself and rolled over on my side toward the other two occupants of the bed. The smile quickly faded from my face.
Alex was draped over Skinner like a blanket and Skinner's arms were circled around his waist possessively, like he used to hold me. Having an eidetic memory is a curse at times. I remember every detail of our relationship in glorious Technicolor.
This wasn't what I wanted to see first thing in the morning, it wasn't fair and the ruined the good mood I had awakened in.
That should be me. But I didn't want to admit, even to myself, which position I truly wanted to be in. Since I had started sharing their bed, Alex never snuggled with me anymore and Skinner always made sure he stayed on the opposite side of the bed. I needed to go for a run, to clear my head of the depressing sight of the two of them together like this.
My eyes blinked open to meet with Mulder's scowl, I wasn't ready to face Mulder's pissy attitude yet, so I let my eyes slip back closed. He didn't say a word, just rolled over to the edge of our king sized mattress and got out of bed.
I could feel the bed give as Mulder got out and risked a quick peek from half closed lids. Alex barely stirred when the bed shifted, just snuggling in a little closer if that was possible.
At least Mulder is considerate enough to keep the noise level down. Usually when Mulder was in one of his moods, there was a lot of stomping and banging around.
I watched as Mulder pulled on a pair of sweats and then start looking around for what I figured was his track shoes. Mulder liked to go running early in the morning, no matter how late he had been up.
I didn't often have an opportunity to watch Mulder unobserved, I was usually too busy trying to keep some semblance of peace between the two younger men. This was a rare occasion, so I thought I would relax and enjoyed it.
My eyes tracked over Mulder's ass as he bent over to tie his shoes. I couldn't help admire the fine ass and a nice body of my former lover.
A body and heart that used to be mine. I felt the familiar pang hit my heart, but couldn't tear my eyes away from watching Mulder and wishing things were different.
Even though Mulder and Alex were the same height, their bodies differed dramatically enough, that Mulder appeared a little taller.
Mulder was lean and lanky, his long legs muscular from running and although his eating habits were atrocious, there wasn't an ounce of fat on his frame. I had loved the feeling of having Mulder's body in my arms, it wasn't just the sex I missed, I missed everything about our relationship. We used to talk for hours about anything and everything. Now, we couldn't hold a civil conversation.
Talking to Alex was vastly different, the boy was highly intelligent, on par with Mulder's own intellect, but since the shooting, Alex was easily distracted and still slipped into speaking Russian without realizing it when he got too excited or upset. His intelligence remained, but with his shortened attention span, long detailed conversations were limited.
I squeezed Alex a little tighter, Alex's body was also lean, but more solid and he carried just a tiny bit of extra weight through his midsection. Alex had taking up running with Mulder after he had moved in, but no amount of exercise would erase the plushness of Alex's body and that's just fine with me.
I kept watching as Mulder left the bedroom without turning back towards the bed. Maybe Mulder would be in a better mood when he returned from his run and I might have a better chance at having a reasonable discussion with the man. The three of us couldn't go on like this much longer; it was eating me up inside.
I stroked my hand across Alex's back, last night had been hot, but I didn't plan on it ever to be repeated to that extreme again. Guilt washed over me, last night had felt like a competition between Mulder and me with Alex as the playing field.
Granted, Alex had been more than willing, carrying on like the wanton slut Mulder accused him of being, but I was beginning to wonder if Alex knew he could say no, and if Alex did know he could refuse to have sex with either of us, would he.
The Night before...
"Mmmm..." Alex stood in the shower as hot water washed over his skin. Skinner would bitch about him using up all the hot water, but I wasn't about to stop him. Especially, since I knew the hot water was about to disappear, due to my starting a load of laundry downstairs.
Alex was suddenly hit with a blast of cold water; I could hear his muttering and cursing through the door.
"Shit!" Alex reached down and turned off the chilling water. "I haven't been in here that long. Damn hot water tank is just too small. Walter shouldn't gripe, he should buy a bigger tank."
Alex stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a thick black robe, tightening the sash as walked into the darkened bedroom.
"What took you so long?"
"Uhn?" He turned to see me leaning against the wall beside the bathroom door. I had my arms were crossed in front of me, and my ankles were similarly crossed. My face carrying a wolfish leer.
"Were you waiting for the shower, Foxy?" Alex flashed an impish grin. What I wanted was evident from the bulge in my dark blue dress slacks, but Alex wouldn't give in too easy, it was all part of the game he started, when he called me Foxy.
Alex turned away, still grinning, but as he reached into the dresser for a pair of boxers, I grabbed him around the waist, trapping him.
"I was waiting for you."
He struggled against my tight embrace, but didn't really try to get away. I growled and squeezed his damp body back against me, lifting his feet off the floor.
Alex cried out as I unceremoniously tossed him on the bed. He fell spread-eagled, his robe falling open, fully exposing him. He grunted when I landed on him and straddled his hips, but I know he loves the feel of my slacks against his naked thighs.
I silenced his protests with a brutal kiss and Alex whimpered as my hands, hard and demanding, began roughly exploring his body. Alex shoved at my chest, trying to dislodge me.
I ground my hips into Alex's groin, enjoying his moan from the friction I created. Alex always gave a little struggle of resistance, but his body's reaction told a different story. And as soon as he had called me Mulder, I knew the game was on.
Alex was beautiful, back arched and head thrown back exposing his vulnerable neck, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth slightly parted, the perfect vision of submission.
"Mine," I snarled, devouring Alex's pouty lips in another bruising kiss.
"Please! Mulder!" Alex tried to push me off, as I roughly pawed his body. The sensation of my touch, no matter how rough, always drove him wild. I was sure Alex could cum from touch alone.
I flicked my tongue across one perky nipple and then nipped, latching onto it and worrying it with my teeth. Alex let go a deep low moan, arching his body to give me better access to his chest and begging for more, so I bit down, hard, eliciting another moan from Alex's lips.
"You're a real slut, you know that, Krycek?"
Alex grabbed the back of my neck, pulling up to face me.
"Hey, are you going to fuck me, or what?"
I jumped off the bed, snarling as I hurriedly stripped off my Armani suit. I watched the wanton younger man, writhing around on the bed like a cat in heat and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get undressed fast enough. Although I was rock hard and more than ready to bury my cock in Alex's hot ass, I wanted to play a little more.
I pounced back onto of Alex and twisted his wrists above his head and held them there with one hand and twisting a nipple with the other, causing Alex to arch his back again and let out a keening wail.
Never one to let an open opportunity go by, I shoved my knee between his two long legs, positioning myself between Alex's spread thighs and then grinding my knee into his fully erect cock. Alex bucked into my knee, adding his own friction between us. I loved the sensation of his plump balls rubbing against my thighs.
"Lubricant, Mulder, or no sex."
"Since when?" I sneered, pushing my knee harder into Alex's crotch, I could feel his precum smearing against my knee as I pressed down.
"Fine." I firmly kept my grip on Alex's wrists and moved to sit on his chest. I shoved my throbbing cock against Alex's closed mouth, watching as my own precum glistened on Alex's swollen lips.
Alex opened his mouth slightly and allowed me to thrust down his throat. He gagged at the large size at first, and then he narrowed green eyes in mischief and began to tease my cock with his tongue.
Growling, I tightened my grip on Alex's wrists and yanked the other hand through the damp strands of sable hair, shoving myself even further down the younger man's throat.
Alex opened his throat wider, trying to adjust to my thrusting motions. He grazed his teeth lightly along my shaft. He seemed to enjoy my sudden moan of pleasure. I loved Alex's oral skills, but I could enjoy more of that later.
"Enough." I pulled out suddenly.
"What? Not good enough for you?"
"Oh yeah, Krycek. Your mouth is perfect for fucking, but right now it's your ass I want."
I growled and grabbed around Alex's hips and flipped him over face down. I released his wrists and then grabbed his waist and pulled him to his knees.
Not being able to resist, I placed a couple of hard slaps across the upturned rump, turning it pink and rosy. Then I rammed my hips forward, loving the squeal Alex let loose as I plowed into his ass.
Not allowing Alex time to recover, I pulled out completely before slamming into his tight opening once again. I could feel Alex push his hot ass back against me, Alex's body automatically asking for more.
I plowed into Krycek's tender opening. Alex's arms could barely hold him up, as I kept relentlessly plunging in and out, only my strong grip on his waist kept him cracking his skull on the headboard when I pulled out completely again and then immediately thrust back in even harder.
"Would you finish already!"
I snarled at him again and continued to brutally slam my hips into Alex. I had grown used to Alex's protests, they were a direct contradiction to his body's responses, and just made me more excited.
"You two just couldn't wait?"
I halted my bruising thrusts and both our heads turned to look the man who entered the room. Alex's eyes brightened as he watched Skinner strip off his coat and loosen his tie.
"Walter! You're home!"
Skinner's lips curled into a barely visible smile as he walked over and lifted Alex's chin to capture his bruised and swollen lips in a searing kiss, Skinner pulled back slightly and gently ran his tongue across Alex's bottom lip. Skinner brushed back a stray lock of dark hair that had fallen into Alex's face and pressed their lips together again.
I watched the heated kiss, hiding my jealous heart behind a mask of lust. I hadn't pulled out of Alex's ass, but I hadn't resumed thrusting either. Alex broke away from the kiss and I heard him sniffle into Skinner's ear.
"Walter, tell Fox he's too rough."
"Mulder, you're too rough." Skinner sat down next to the two of us on the bed and casually kicked off his shoes.
"The little slut likes it rough."
"I'm not a slut!"
"Alex's not a slut, Mulder." Skinner pulled his tie off and started unbuttoning his dress shirt.
"Can I help, Walter?" Alex reached a hand out to Skinner's shirt, but I tightened my arms and held him back, trying to draw Alex's attention back to me.
"No, you won't. I'm fucking you, remember."
Alex growled and tried to take a halfhearted swing at me, but Skinner caught his arm before his fist could connect.
"Lean back," Skinner ordered. I glared at Skinner, but Skinner's eyes didn't waver. I finally relented, sat back and seated Alex firmly into my lap. Alex wiggled around, situating himself on my cock; I know he loved the intense feeling of being completely filled by me. It was one of the many things Alex would beg for during sex. He purred contentedly, then reached over and pulled Skinner into another heated kiss.
Alex lost himself in the kiss; completely forgetting my cock was buried in his ass. I was loosing patience. I decided to remind Alex where he was, so I leaned forward and nipped Alex's earlobe.
Skinner smiled at Alex's moan of pleasure and broke away to lay siege to his neck. For all of Alex's whining, I knew he was really enjoying the attention of both of us.
Alex was wiggling and squealing so much from the double assault Skinner and I collided into each other. We both reared back and glared at each other.
"What the fuck? You two are priceless." We turned to look at our pouting lover. "I thought we were all lovers. A threesome. But you won't even kiss each other."
"I share a bed with Mulder and I share you with him, but he's not my lover," Skinner sat back and stared at the two of us. "You're my lover, Alex. Not him."
"I'm not going to fuck Skinner," I snarled, Skinner's words burning a hole in my heart. Barely able to mask my pain, I grinned and tweaked a rosy nipple on Alex's chest. "Only you."
"You'll sleep with each other, but you'll only fuck me!"
"Got it in one."
Alex fought to get off my lap, but I held him firmly in place. He suddenly stopped his struggles and grinned at us.
"Would you at least kiss?"
Skinner looked at me. "He's not my lover."
"Damn it! Why can't you just..." I leaned into Alex's mouth cutting off the whining.
"I thought you enjoyed being the center of attention." I continued nipping softly down Alex's neck.
"I just want... He arched into me, his eyes closing in ecstasy. Skinner gave me a knowing look and then continued removing his own clothes. He neatly hung up his suit and placed his glasses on the bedside table. Skinner then joined us on the bed.
We joined forces in a united front to overload Alex's senses. Each of us knowingly assaulted the younger man's erogenous zones while Alex was still impaled on my cock. It was uncommon for us to share Alex at the same time; usually I would leave and go downstairs or roll over and pretend to sleep.
I could see Skinner take Alex's hands and guide them to his own straining erection. Alex started pumping Skinner and bouncing his own hips in the same rhythm on my lap, completely unaware of his actions were having on me.
Bucking my hips to match his tempo, I managed to strike my cock against Alex's prostate and making him temporarily forget Skinner. "Ohhhhh! Mulder!" He wound his arms back and pulled my head down so my lips were at his neck. "Yessss."
I shifted forward, bending and lowering Alex to the bed, retaking full and complete possession of the younger man. I slipped my cock from Alex's body and rolled him onto his back.
Alex moaned when he felt my warm body cover his own. When our heated flesh met, he whimpered and wrapped his long legs around my waist and arched his back in a silent offer.
I grasp hold of one leg and hooked it over my shoulder exposing Alex's tight opening and buried myself to the hilt in one swift thrust. I began to pound without mercy into Alex's body again and he was arching his body to meet my thrusts.
Alex groaned when a particularly deep thrust rocked against his prostate. In one last hard push, I lost control and began spilling my hot seed into Alex. Alex groaned into the sensation of my cum filling him.
He suddenly opened his eyes and looked behind us. He could see Skinner watching, his hand moving up and down his hard shaft. The sight of Skinner's hand stroking himself sent Alex over the edge.
"I...I'm cumming! Oh God!...Mulder!"
He exploded against our chests, I could do nothing as Alex's tight passage gripped and pulsed around my still buried cock.
Alex laid back breathing in short pants, eyes slowly closing. He was completely blissed out from his orgasm, his legs still spread wantonly apart. I slowly pulled out and could feel my semen trickle down his ass. He reopened his eyes and smiled at me, giving me the sweetest smile I have ever seen. I pressed a deep longing kiss to his beautiful swollen lips and then I rolled over in an exhausted heap.
The bed shifted as a sudden weight pressed into Alex and he opened green eyes to stare into Skinner's chocolate brown ones. Skinner leered down at Alex.
"Don't fall asleep boy, we're not finished yet."
Skinner grabbed both Alex's legs and hooked them over his shoulders. Alex had barely time to blink before Skinner's hard, thick length plunge into his ass, my semen providing the only lubricant. The sight was almost enough to get me hard again.
I could see the muscles in Alex's ass clenched around Skinner's cock, encouraging the older man to pick up the pace. Skinner took hold of Alex's feet and lifted him up further and began pounding into Alex's tight ass. I leaned up, resting my head on my elbow and became transfixed by the way Skinner's cock was moving in and out of Alex's hole.
"Walter! Oh! shit! H-harder!" My hand moved on it's own back to my cock. I started stroking my self to their rhythm.
Skinner leaned down, pushing Alex's thighs to his chest, almost bending him in half and allowing him to drive deeper inside. Skinner rocked his hips forward, his balls slapping against Alex's plump ass. Still holding Alex bent; Skinner suddenly pulled back to his knees and drove back inside the tight passage in one hard thrust.
"God, Alex. You're so fucking tight!"
Skinner pistoned his hips forward, plunging deeper into Alex's sweet ass. Alex gasped and came with a loud moan, his ass clenching Skinner even tighter. Skinner continued to pound fiercely, until with one last hard thrust, he gave his own loud groan as he shot his load into Alex. I came at the same time as Skinner, my semen spilling over my fingers and leaving me blissfully sated once more.
Sighing, Skinner collapsed on top of Alex, his breathing hard.
"Walter... Walter get off. You're crushing me."
Skinner pulled out of Alex and rolled over and groaned. Knowing our young lover so well, he opened his arms and I could see Alex crawl immediately into them. Skinner nuzzled Alex's soft hair where his head rested on Skinner's sweaty chest.
Alex peppered little kisses across Skinner's broad hairy chest, purring like a contented cat, while Skinner stoked his hand up and down Alex's back.
I wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my chin on his shoulder, letting my warm breath tickle his ear. Skinner looked over Alex's shoulder, arching an eyebrow when he caught my eyes. Skinner then leaned over and caught my lips with a brief strained kiss.
"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" We broke apart to glare at a grinning Alex.
"Maybe next time one of you will volunteer for bottom and I won't have to get my ass pounded by both of you."
"Don't count on it." I leaned back and place a well-aimed smack to the aforementioned ass, leaving a perfect hot pink handprint.
"It's such a pretty ass, isn't it?" Skinner adding his own slap. He looked over at me and we both started laughing, enjoying a rare moment of camaraderie, our mutual animosity forgotten momentarily.
"Yes, it is a nice ass," Alex pouted, pillowing his face back into Skinner's chest. "Now leave it alone so I can rest up for tomorrow."
When I entered the kitchen, Mulder was sitting at the table staring into space and nursing a cup of coffee, so lost in his own thoughts, he didn't hear me enter the room.
I poured myself a cup and watched Mulder for a moment, trying to decide if I really wanted to broach the subject of Alex with Mulder this morning and the best way to go about it. The conversation was long overdue, but I didn't think it could be put off any longer.
Mulder was obviously sulking, but about what, surely not about the kiss from last night. I cleared my throat, trying to draw his attention, but Mulder still hadn't acknowledged my presence in the kitchen.
"Good Morning, Mulder. I thought you were going for a run."
"Wanted coffee first. You eager to get me out of the house this morning?"
I slammed my cup down on the counter, sloshing the hot liquid on my hand, inciting my anger further. It was getting ridiculous; Mulder couldn't seem to handle simple morning conversation anymore.
"What the hell is your problem, Mulder?"
Mulder didn't answer, instead he kicked his chair away from the table as he stood up and pushed his way out of the kitchen.
He was half way through the front entrance when I grabbed his arm and spun him around. He yanked back trying to dislodge my hand, but I just tightened my grip.
"Let go, Skinner." Mulder's fury was growing, any moment he looked like he was going to explode.
I let go of Mulder's arm, holding my own arms back in a placating manner, and the younger man stomped down the steps and off the front porch. He started doing stretching exercises, but the tension in his body didn't seem to dissipate, he was still strung tight as a bow.
Leaning a hip against the porch rail, I silently watched Mulder go through his pre-run ritual. So much for talking to the man reasonably.
"Fox, what happened to us? We used to be friends. We used to be lovers."
Mulder's back stiffened and he slowly rose, glaring daggers at me, the anger and tension rolling off his body in waves, the last thing he wanted to be reminded of was our past relationship.
"Lovers? We stopped being lovers, when you brought that Consortium whore into your home."
He never saw the punch coming, one minute I was on the porch and the next Mulder was lying on the ground with an aching jaw and looking up into the face of one very angry man. That didn't stop his verbal assault; he rubbed his hand along his jaw and lashed out at me.
"What's the matter, Skinner? Don't want to face the truth about your precious Alex? Are you so eaten up with guilt from shooting the bastard that you refused to see him for the slut he is?"
I knew I was taking it too far, but almost a year's worth, hell, a lifetime's worth of pent up frustration was boiling to a head. I hated the way Skinner always coddled Alex and I hated the adoration the younger man had for my former lover.
Alex used to look at me that way and I miss having Skinner's undivided attention. The whole relationship seemed like a parody, mocking me at every turn. I wanted out, I wanted the two men to hate me as much as I hated myself.
Skinner's chest was heaving, his fists clenching and unclenching and I could see the murderous rage in his eyes. In all the years I had known Skinner, I couldn't remember seeing him this angry, but I couldn't stop, I didn't want to stop, I had to make Skinner face the truth.
"Krycek likes it up the ass and likes it as much as he can get it and as rough as he can get it. Spender had him spread his legs for every member of the Consortium."
"Shut up Mulder!"
"No, you wanted to know what was wrong, you're the one who wouldn't let it go." I slowly stood up. It was still early and the neighborhood was quiet, making our raised voices seem even louder.
"I want to talk about us, but not if youre going to put down Alex while he's upstairs sleeping, not here to defend himself against your accusations."
"They're not accusations and Krycek has no defense, I'm just stating the facts. And besides, there is no 'us' and you never fail to shove that in my face."
"Mulder, you're the one that ended our relationship, not me."
"You ended it when you shot Krycek."
"I was protecting you!"
"He wouldn't have gone through with it, Krycek loves me and he loved me first and you can't stomach that, can you."
"It's too bad you don't return his love."
"Fuck you, Skinner. You don't know how I feel." I turned on my heel and headed down the sidewalk at a brisk jog.
I walked wearily back inside, letting the front door slam shut, if our shouting didn't wake Alex, nothing would. I thought about starting breakfast, but the thought of food just made my stomach churn.
I went back to the kitchen and poured myself a fresh cup of coffee. How did my life get to be such a convoluted mess? When Mulder had agreed to move in with us, I had hoped that we would be able to get past all the bullshit and re-establish our relationship, but daily the rift between us grew larger.
Alex entered the kitchen still looking sleep rumpled, wearing only a pair of cotton boxers and one of my thin worn t-shirts. I watched the reflection of his movements in the chrome of the toaster.
He spotted me hovering over my cup of coffee and over exaggerated a yawn and stretched his arms towards the ceiling, exposing a sliver of his lightly furred belly. I was obsessed with his stomach, a weird fetish for sure, but Alex didn't really mind.
His performance didn't have the desired affect, so when I didn't immediately turn around I guess he decided to resort to more conventional methods.
I raised eyes from the now cold coffee swirling around in my cup and smiled at my young lover, who immediately squirmed into my lap, instead of a kitchen chair.
Alex wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his head on my shoulder; he was always saying he liked my clean fresh scent. I had already showered and shaved, but then again I was always the first one up.
"You know, chairs were invented to sit in and we have plenty."
"Don't need a chair." Alex pressed his face into my neck and placed a sweet demure kiss.
I loved these rare moments when we were alone and Alex seemed to seek contact that wasn't brimmed with sexual overtones and after my argument with Mulder, I enjoyed having Alex's sweet affection and maybe it would lighten my gloomy mood.
I squeezed Alex tightly to me; I never wanted to let go, as much for Alex's sake as my own. I loved Alex and wanted only the best for him, which had led to Alex getting just about anything he desired and thus, resulting in the mess our lives had become.
"Are you happy, Alex?"
"Very." Alex snuggled deeper into the embrace. His actions showing he felt loved and wanted. I hoped.
I feared Alex had started equating sex with love and affection. Our sex life, while fantastic, was beginning to become too frequent to be considered healthy, and especially with Mulder now living with us and fucking Alex all the time.
I knew it was partially my own fault; Mulder brought to the surface my fear that I wasn't meeting Alex's needs. Mulder was younger, better looking and Alex's need to be with Mulder bordered on obsession.
Alex never turned Mulder away, even when he sore and barely able to sit. I knew Alex was in love with Mulder and I also knew Alex loved me, but I feared Alex wouldn't never turn down sex with either of us.
It was time to test my theory.
I slipped my hand down inside Alex's boxers, cupping his buttocks and giving a gentle squeeze. Alex wiggled and started making kittenish noises and nuzzling my neck. I slipped a finger down the crevice of Alex's ass and gave a tentative poke, causing the younger man to arch his back and push back into my finger.
There was no way Alex couldn't be sore after last night's sex, I could feel that Alex was slightly swollen and he was more than likely was bruised, but that was Alex now, always ready to go. No wonder Mulder called Alex a slut, never mind the fact that Mulder was perpetuating the cycle.
That wasn't fair to Mulder; I'm just as much to blame.
I stopped and pulled my hand from Alex's boxers and reached up and stroke along the beautiful face of my lover.
Alex kept wiggling around until he was straddling my lap and pressing his body against mine, I could feel his erection poking through the boxers into my stomach, already very aroused and his lips trailing needy kisses all over my face. I grasped Alex by the shoulders and tried to hold him still.
"Alex." I gave a firm shake when he didn't respond. "Alex. Stop. Now."
Alex continued his undulation on my lap, ignoring me, until I brought my hand down with a resounding smack.
"OWW! What the hell was that for?" Alex reached his hand back rubbing his butt where it was stinging and giving me an indignant look.
"I told you to stop, and I meant it."
"But, you started it."
A sudden look of dejection appeared on Alex's face and I was hit full force with forest green eyes brimming with tears. I pulled Alex back against my chest and rubbed a soothing hand over the abused spot on Alex's rump and my other hand petted the soft head buried against my chest.
"Alex, I didn't smack you that hard. It's all right, I just wanted to get your attention."
"Well, you have it now."
The waterworks were turned off and a pout turned on, I just shook my head and held Alex tighter, this whole situation was my fault and my job now to fix it.
Mulder was right, in that my own guilt was what had brought them together, but now I couldn't imagine my life without Alex. And deep down, even with the way he acted, I couldn't imagine life without Mulder, either.
It had started to rain by the time I approached the house, the thunderclouds had moved in while I circled around the park. I hadn't run long enough to clear my head. I didn't want to go home, but I didn't want to be wet either, so I had reluctantly cut my run short.
As I jogged up the sidewalk, I spotted Alex sitting on the front porch steps, grinning at me, completely unaware on my mood. I hated that Alex was so blindly happy, while I was miserable and aching inside.
"Why didn't you wake me up, Fox? I would have went running with you."
"I wanted to be alone and you run like a girl."
I smirked at the confused expression on Alex's face, "Come here and give me a proper good morning."
Alex didn't hesitate, he leaped to his feet and ran quickly into my outstretched arms, kissing me hungrily and laughing at the two of us kissing in the rain. Alex derived pleasure and happiness from the simplest things.
"Fox, you're all wet." But that didn't keep him from plastering his body against my wet one.
I squeezed Alex tighter, dropping my hand down to grope Alex's ass and pulling his boxers down, flashing any of the neighbors who might happen to be up a view of his perfect butt.
"You're such a slut, Krycek. I could fuck you right here in front of the whole neighborhood and you wouldn't care."
"I'm yours Fox, all yours." Alex kept peppering kisses all over my face, he didn't care what I did to him or where, as long as I loved him. It was pathetic and endearing at the same time. It made me angrier.
"Then get the hell away from me."
I pushed a startled Alex away from me, making Alex to lose his balance and fall on his butt in the wet grass. Alex looked up at me in shock, probably remembering Skinner's rules of no violence between the three of us. But I had no intention of ever following Skinner's stupid rules. He and Alex may have a discipline relationship, but the was no way, I was going to let Skinner tan my ass.
I casually walked up the steps towards the door, I could hear Alex scrambling to his feet, but didn't try and help him. Alex's words stabbed viscously at my heart, because Alex wasn't mine any longer, he was Skinner's.
The rain was coming down harder, making Alex's bare feet slip on the wet grass. I watched the reflection in the glass door as he stumbled, and barely caught himself on the porch railing. He finally remembered his boxers were still down around his thighs and quickly tugged them up over his damp butt.
"Fox. Wait. What'd I do wrong?"
"Everything Krycek." I shoved him back again and slammed the door in Alex's face.
I probably left Alex even more shocked and confused. Knowing the way his damaged mind worked now, he was thinking this was a game and I wanted him to chase me.
I heard Alex yanked the front door open and run in after me, leaving the door wide open. The wind had picked up and was blowing rain into the entryway. It was getting colder and I could hear the storm was getting worse.
"Fox, wait. Tell me what's wrong."
I turned around and looked at Alex standing in the doorway, his wet boxers and t-shirt clinging to every contour of his anatomy. His nipples are hard, pressing against the wet fabric; I would have thought it was the cold rain, except for the tenting of Alex's boxers. I felt physically ill at the sight.
"God, you're a pathetic little whore Krycek."
"Walter!" Alex yelled and pushed past me, finally sensing that it wasn't one of my games.
He stomped angrily towards the kitchen, leaving a trail of wet muddy footprints. Heading to the kitchen, where I was sure, Skinner was fixing Alex breakfast.
I turned the burners on the stove off when I heard the yelling start in the living room. My ulcer was making itself known, but I ignored it, rubbing my temples from the onset of a major headache and I headed towards the voices in the next room.
It wasn't even nine o'clock and the fighting and bickering had already started.
I barely made it through the door into the living room, when a very wet, very distraught Alex flung himself into my arms.
"Walter, tell Fox not to call me a whore."
Normally a wet clinging Alex Krycek would be a major turn on, but I wasn't in the mood. "Mulder, how many times do I have to tell you not to speak to Alex like that. It's demeaning and doesn't belong in our relationship." I tried to sound calm and reasonable, but the look on Mulder's face was making me furious.
"Our relationship! We..." Mulder sneered, "don't have a fucking relationship. This is between Krycek and me and you have no right to butt in."
"I have every right to butt in where Alex is concerned." I started to untangled Alex from my arms. "Alex, damnit, go upstairs and change into something dry."
Alex brought a trembling fist to his mouth; his big green eyes beginning to tear up, I felt my heart start to melt and then hardened it when the reality of the situation hit me. Alex might be slightly damaged, but he could still manipulate with the best of them and I needed stop giving into Alex's obvious manipulations and re-establish some of the boundaries we had decided on. I hated to spank Alex, and I had become lax with my discipline, since Mulder moved in.
"Don't make me repeat myself!"
Alex's mouth gaped open; defiance warring with the thought of the way I usually repeated myself, with my hand on Alex's bare butt. Backing away slowly, he spared Mulder one last glance, before scurrying upstairs.
"I'm demeaning." Mulder snarled out. "What the hell was that?" Mulder gestured indignantly towards the stairs. "You treat Krycek like a child."
"He is a child in a lot of ways, Mulder." I shook my head sadly, Mulder didn't understand and until he did, they would get nowhere.
"You don't treat him like a child when your dick is up his ass."
That was the last and final straw, without a warning, I grabbed Mulder by the arm and twisted it behind his back, forcing the younger man over to the couch. I surprised Mulder by sitting down and pulling him down with me.
Mulder fought with all his strength, but he was no match me. I flipped him over my knee, while never letting go of his arm, effectively pinning Mulder on my lap. I had gotten very adept at handling someone Mulder's size, since Alex couldn't seem to stay out of trouble very long.
"Let go of me you bastard!"
Mulder stopped struggling for a moment, I could see his disbelief that I had just...
"Skinner, let me go. I'll kill you for this."
"Mulder, you've had this coming for a long time. I've put up with your pissy attitude and hateful, hurtful comments long enough." I started delivering a series of hard stinging slaps to the seat of his damp sweat pants.
"Alex doesn't deserve them and I don't deserve them. And I am sick and tired of hearing them."
The house filled with Mulder's screams of obscenities and threats. I could barely hold onto him, Mulder was struggling and kicking so hard. My hand had begun to hurt, the slightly damp fabric was rough and stinging against my palm, but I didn't let up, Mulder deserved this.
It wasn't my most brilliant plan; a better plan would have been Mulder's bare butt or a paddle, or both. An even better plan would have been not being forced to result to this kind of communication, but I was determined to get through to Mulder.
"I hate you. I hate you."
Tears had started falling down Mulder's handsome face, but not from pain, although I had a strong and firm hand. I know he was beyond humiliated, not even his own parents had ever raised a hand to him. Which was probably part of the problem.
Tears started falling down my face as well, Mulder's words striking just as hard against my heart.
"Skinner, please stop. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Mulder started pleading for mercy, but I didn't let up.
I didn't hear Alex come down the stairs or feel his presence next to the couch until it was too late. Alex grabbed my arm in the middle of a down swing, but he hadn't braced himself for my physical strength or the momentum of the swing.
Alex lost his balance, falling over both of us and into the corner of the coffee table, knocking Mulder off my lap during the fall. His shoulder struck the edge of the table hard, ripping a cry of pain from his lips.
Mulder, hearing Alex's cry, picked himself up off the floor and lunged at me, battering me with his fists. I could barely protect myself from Mulder's blind rage.
"Don't ever hit Alex! I won't let you hurt him anymore!"
I tried to grab hold of Mulder's fists when Mulder's words finally registered.
But, I hadn't hit Alex, it was an accident, Mulder hadn't seen everything and yet now, Mulder was trying to protect Alex and it was the first time I had heard him call Alex by anything besides Krycek.
Alex curled in a ball, clutching his injured shoulder and rocking back and forth. Neither of us could hear Alex's whispered words at first, until his voice rose and turned into a scream.
"Stop hurting each other!" Alex jumped to his feet, staggered and then ran out the front door and into the pouring rain, barefoot and still only wearing his wet boxers and t-shirt.
Mulder stopped hitting me and pushed himself to his feet. Glaring daggers at me he snarled, "This is all your fault, " and raced out the door after Alex.
I was in shock; I numbly put on my jacket and picked up the keys to the car, and headed out the door after the two younger men.
I looked up and down the rain swept streets, I didn't see Alex, but he couldn't have gotten far. Making a quick decision, I headed for the park, remembering how much Alex like to go there.
The sky was dark from the thunderclouds and the temperature was still dropping. I had no problem spotting the one lone figure sitting hunched over on one of the park benches. I approached cautiously, not wanting Alex to bolt. I could see the younger man was shivering from the cold rain, but I knew by the way Alex's shoulders are shaking, he was crying.
"Go away Mulder." Krycek's voice was strained and hoarse from his crying, but was underlined with anger and I noticed that Alex didn't call me 'Fox.' It was an endearing little quirk I let Alex get by with, only calling me Mulder when we had sex.
"Please Alex, listen to me. I won't let Skinner hurt you anymore. I'll quit the FBI and we'll move away. Just the two of us."
I moved to set on the bench beside the shivering man, but Alex jumped to his feet and turned away.
"Don't you get it? Walter didn't hurt me." He ran his hand through his dripping hair and down his face, he turned back to face me, his face strangely calm.
"Why do you hate Walter?"
"He tried to kill you, I know you don't remember, but I do."
"You're wrong, Mulder. I do remember. I was threatening to kill you, Walter was trying to stop me." Alex wrapped his arms around his shivering frame, trying to stay warm; he hated talking about the past, because he said it scared him. He jerked away when I reached out and tried to touch him.
"Skinner wasn't trying to stop you. He fired three times, Alex. He wanted you dead!"
I didn't hear Skinner pull up, but I could tell from the change in Alex's expression, that Skinner must have found us.
"Is that true, Walter? Did you want me dead?" There was a pleading disbelief in Alex's voice, even though I knew in my heart it was the truth and it would hurt Alex, I wanted to hear Skinner admit it.
"Then why did you give me a home? Why d...did you say you l...love me?" Alex choked out the last part, he had seemed so happy, now it I was destroying his happiness by revealing everything as a lie.
"Sweetheart, I do love you." Skinner reached out to pull the shivering Alex into his arms but I jumped between them, pushing Skinner back.
'If you love him so much, then why did you shoot him.' It was on the tip of my tongue, only my mouth didn't cooperate. Instead I heard the words tumble out that had plagued my heart ever since that fateful night in the garage.
"Why did you stop loving me?"
"I...I never stopped loving you Fox. I never will. But I love Alex too and I can't let you continue hurting him."
I was stunned. I was so full of anger and pain. I couldn't cope anymore, I couldn't be strong anymore. The anger that had consumed my life began to wash away. I could see Walter's eyes fill and spill over with tears. I had never seen him cry before. He was always the strong one. He opened his arms and reached out to me. He had called me Fox, like he did when we were lovers.
I stared at his face in disbelief. I had done everything in my power to insure Walter hated me and to prove Walter didn't really love me, that what we had was just as much a lie as my whole miserable life. But here we were, standing in the cold rain and Walter still loved me.
I grasp hold of his outstretched hand, and let him pull me into his arms. I felt warm for the first time in months. I wanted so bad to come in from the cold.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. I love you too, please Walter, I love you."
I rocked Fox in my embrace, reveling in having him in my arms again. Where he had always belonged. I looked up over Fox's shoulder to catch Alex standing off to the side, watching us intently. I extended my hand toward Alex, beckoning him. Fox must have sensed my movement, because his eyes traveled down the length of my arm to Alex. Fox stretched his own arm out along side of mine to our young lover. Silently asking him to join us.
Alex hesitated, then took hold of our hands and stumbled forward, his bare feet slipping in the wet grass. We gathered him in our arms and pulled him tightly into a three-way embrace.
"Come on, lets go home."
"Home, that's sound just fine with me." Fox laughed and swung Alex around in a circle.
We arrived back at the house and I ushered the two younger men upstairs to our bedroom. I loved the sound of it. Our house. Our bedroom. I went and grabbed two large towels from the bathroom for my lovers. They were cold and wet, and so was I, but I don't believe any of us had ever been happier.
"Get out of those wet clothes and I'll start a hot bath for you two."
"I don't need a hot bath Walter, but Alex does, I think he has already caught a cold."
"You're just as wet, and I don't want to take care of two sick men." I tried to sound stern, but I'm sure the insanely happy smile on face gave me away.
Alex didn't complain, he started stripping his clothes off immediately. "A nice hot bath sounds real nice," he said as climbed into the tub before it had finished filling all the way, sighing as he relaxed down into the water.
"Yesss." Alex tilted his face up for a kiss. I gave Alex a chaste kiss on the lips and turned to Fox, leaning in to give him a kiss as well. I had to pat Alex on the head to get his attention.
"Scoot forward and let Fox get in behind you."
Alex sat up and moved to give Fox room. Fox slipped in behind him and then tugged Alex back against his chest.
I got both of them settled and then stripped out of my own wet clothes and put on my thick terry robe.
"I'm going downstairs to make us some tea, are you two going to be okay up here?"
I held back a smile; I had grown use to Alex's inability to stay focus on the main topic of conversation, but decided to let it slide this time.
"What about you, Fox? Tea or hot chocolate?"
"Hot chocolate would be fine. And thank you." He gave Alex a nudge. Alex looked bewildered for a moment, then a light sparked in his eyes. He looked demurely up at me. "Thank you."
When I returned upstairs with a tray filled with their drinks, Alex and Fox had already gotten out of the tub and they were both dressed in warm flannel pajamas, wool socks and they were snuggled together in the middle of the bed.
"Room for me?" I hated to disturb them, they looked so cute.
Two dark heads nodded at me, so I placed the tray on the nightstand and climbed in the bed beside them, sitting up against the headboard. Fox shifted and sat up, bringing Alex with him. I handed each one their drink, before settling down with my own cup of herbal tea.
Alex took a sip of his hot chocolate and then laid his head on Fox's shoulder and closed his eyes. I took a quick inventory, Alex looked a little flushed and Fox was looking pale and miserable, but happy at the same time.
"Maybe you both should skip the hot chocolate for now and just try and get some rest."
"I think that's a good idea, I'm feeling kind of wiped." Fox looked down at Alex, who had already slipped off to sleep. He passed me his cup and then handed me Alex's unfinished hot chocolate. He gently shifted Alex until he was lying down against the pillows.
I pressed my hand against Fox's forehead. "I'm okay."
"You feel a little warm."
"Walter, I'm okay. Let's just go to sleep, it's been an exhausting day."
I ignored him and retrieved some Tylenol from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I handed two pills to Fox, along with my cooling tea and a mock stern look that booked no argument. He reluctantly swallowed the pills, making a face when he swallowed. Probably finally noticing his throat did feel a bit scratchy. He nodded his head toward Alex.
"What about him?"
"I hate to wake him, but a dose couldn't hurt him either. Help him sit up."
Fox helped Alex sit up after struggling to wake him. He never actually was fully awake, but I sat on the edge of the bed and easily coaxed Alex into taking the pills. I helped Fox settle him back down and then tugged the blankets over both of them.
I took my time putting on a pair of sleep pants, enjoying the peace that had come over our household. By the time I had dressed, Fox had fallen asleep. I climbed in beside Fox, wrapping my arms around both of them and slipped off to sleep.
I awoke after a very short nap, having got very little sleep with all the tossing and turning, not to mention the sniffling, snorting and coughing of the two younger men. I took a shower and got dressed in a comfortable white polo and blue jeans. I headed downstairs to make tea and decided to call Dana. Fox would put up a fuss, but better her now, than the hospital later.
"Dana, it's Walter. I was wondering if you could come over."
"Walter, what's wrong." Dana had spent very little time at our house, unless it was to bring William to see Fox. And on those rare occasions, I took Alex out, because she didn't want him around William.
"Maybe you shouldn't bring William."
"What's wrong? Is Mulder hurt?"
"Nothing serious, I don't think. At least not yet." I didn't want it to seem like I was overreacting to a common cold.
"Walter, spit it out."
"Fox and Alex spent the afternoon coughing and sniffling. I gave them both Tylenol earlier, but Alex is still a little warm and Fox sounds horrible, like he's breathing underwater."
"I'll bring my bag, I have to drop Will at my mother's, but since it's Sunday, traffic should be light. Look for me in about 45 minutes. And don't let Mulder get out of bed."
"I won't. And thanks, Dana."
I hung up the phone and it didn't escape my notice she left Alex out. The tea was whistling, so I fixed a tray with tea and orange juice and carried upstairs with me. Fox was awake, but it was obvious he still felt bad; the box of tissue from the nightstand was perched on his chest. Alex, it appeared, hadn't woken up yet.
"How are you feeling?" I kept my voice low so I wouldn't disturb Alex.
"Like crap." Fox punctuated the remark with a snort, his voice was nearly nonexistent. I put my hand against Fox's forehead, he still felt hot. I glanced at the contentedly sleeping Alex and then felt his forehead, too. Alex was warm, but not as warm as Fox.
"I called Dana, she should be here in about forty-five minutes, she has to drop William off at her mother's."
"Why isn't she bringing Will?"
"Because, you and Alex are sick and might be contagious."
"Is that why you won't give me a big sloppy smooch?" Fox plastered his best goofy grin on his face.
"Yes." I bent forward and planted a loud kiss on his forehead. I glanced my watch. We had about thirty minutes until Dana arrived. Enough time to talk a little about what happened this morning, but I needed Alex awake.
"We still need to address you running off and still wearing the wet clothes I specifically told you to change out of."
"No buts, except my hand on yours."
"Walter, I'm sick, you can't spank me when I'm sick." Alex whined out from where his face was buried in his pillow and over exaggerating a sniffle to make his point, and then he pulled the blanket up tighter around his shoulders.
I grinned to myself; good try but not good enough. I schooled my features and tried to keep the amusement out of my voice. I made sure to keep my eyes on the pouting Alex, knowing if I met Fox's face, I would break down and start laughing.
Fox held his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud, but a stifled giggle escaped. I wasn't sure if it was my expression or Alex's antics, but Fox's laughter was nice to hear. I turned my attention back to the pouting brat beneath the blankets.
"And why are you sick?"
"Alex? I didn't quite catch that."
"Alex, look at me." I gave the blanket-covered rump a sound whack.
Alex peeked an eye up at my stern face and gave me another sniffle. "Walter, I really am sick. I don't think I deserved to be punished."
I knew I shouldn't give in, but I opened my arms and Alex flew out from beneath the covers and into my arms, nearly knocking me off the bed.
"I'm not going to spank you. But we do need to discuss this, okay?" I could feel Alex's head nod against my chest, rubbing his nose against the fabric, smearing snot across the front of my shirt. Well, that was just disgusting.
My face must have reflected what I was thinking, because Fox apparently could no longer contain his laughter when he realized Alex had just wiped his nose on my shirt.
"I wish I had my camera, the look on your face, Walter, is priceless." Fox's laughter turned into a harsh barking cough, his eyes watering as he tried almost unsuccessfully get his breath back. I let go of Alex and rushed to Fox's side and tried to help him get his breath back.
I let myself in with the key Mulder had given me a couple of months back. I was shutting the door when I heard a loud, raspy coughing fit from upstairs. I found the three men in the bedroom by following the noise.
Walter was patting Mulder on the back in an effort to help him breath, Krycek was sitting on the bed wrapped in a blanket, a frightened look on his flushed face. I dug in my bag for an inhaler, which I promptly shoved in Mulder's face and told him to breath.
As Mulder got his breathing under control, I shook out a thermometer, preparing to take his temperature. Mulder waved me away with his hand and pointed at Krycek.
"He's sick, too. Start with him." Mulder demanded, his indignant expression ruined by the need to blow snot into a wad of tissue and his hoarse scratchy voice.
I turned to Krycek, who already had his mouth open, ready for the thermometer, looking like a rumpled baby bird waiting for its mother to feed it. He must have gotten used to doctors since the shooting. Plus he knew the sooner I finished with him, the sooner I could get back to Mulder. Besides, if Mulder was sick, then it was probably his fault. I popped the thermometer into Krycek's mouth and turned my attention back to Mulder.
I retrieved my stethoscope from my bag and moved to check Mulder's breathing. He gave me a mock frown and inclined his head in Krycek's direction. I received the message loud and clear, but I wasn't concerned about Krycek's health, so I ignored him. I started to continue the examination when Mulder stopped me.
"What?" But I knew what Mulder wanted, so I yanked the thermometer out of Krycek's mouth. "100°, nothing to be too concerned about, just drink lots of fluids and get some rest."
"Walter, would you take Alex downstairs, I need to talk to Scully alone."
I was pissed at Scully's treatment of Alex, too, but I decided to let Fox handled it in his own way. I took the bewildered Alex downstairs and had him lay down on the sofa.
"What's wrong, Walter? Is Fox going to be okay?"
"Nothing baby, we're just going to Dana and Fox have a little privacy while she does the check up." Alex rested his head on the arm of the couch. He looked miserable and scared. I lifted him up enough to slip under him and pillow his head in my lap. I started carding my fingers through his soft hair and gently massaging his scalp.
"It's my fault." I knew what he was referring to. I had seen this coming a mile away.
"No, it's not."
"B...but if I hadn't gone out in the rain, then Fox wouldn't be sick. I think you should spank me."
"I'm not going to spank you when youre sick, and especially not when you don't deserve one." Alex grew silent, he knew better than to seriously argue with me about discipline.
I was wondering what Fox would say to Dana. I hated how she avoided Alex and blatantly kept William away from him. I considered us family, but she still treated Alex like an outsider.
"Scully, that little performance wasn't like you at all, what is your problem with Alex?"
"I don't like him, I never will."
"He's like an innocent now..."
"Just because he had his brains a little scrambled, doesn't erase the past." I marched over and looked out the window at the small quaint street where they lived. It was a lovely neighborhood; the kind I wanted to raise William in and it would be nice for him to be near his father.
"I'm not saying that it does, but Alex is different now and I'm just asking you to give him a chance."
"A chance to what, betray all of us, look at how much pain he has caused you and Walter, in his so called damaged state."
"Alex is the reason Walter and I are back together, and happier than we ever were."
"He is the reason you were apart in the first place. God, Mulder, stop thinking with you little head and use that brilliant mind of yours. Krycek has been and always will be trouble."
"You're right, I'm not thinking with my head. I'm thinking with my heart. Can't you accept Alex? For me?"
I hated the way Mulder could always manipulate me into doing things against my better judgment. But looking at Mulder, even as sick as he was, he did look happy, and he was actually glowing.
"Okay, Mulder. I'll play nice with Krycek, but be forewarned, I'm still not comfortable with him being around William."
"Give it time and, thanks, Scully. Once you get to know him, you probably love Alex as much as we do."
I didn't think so, but it was no use arguing with Mulder. I went to the bedroom door and called the other two men back in. They both went over and sat on opposite sides of Mulder.
"Roll over Mulder, I need to give you a shot of antibiotic."
"I don't want a shot."
"You have a temperature of 104°, fluid is building up in your lungs, if we don't nip this in the butt," My stern expression couldn't hide the amusement at my pun, "You could develop pneumonia, and then you'll be in the hospital."
"Aw! Scully! You care! You really care! Come on now, give me a kiss!"
Mulder laughed and then coughed. Skinner rubbed his hand around on Mulder's back, as he hacked up a Kleenex full of phlegm.
He recovered, tossing the wet tissue into a wastebasket filled with them. I know he hated being sick and there was no way he was going to the hospital without a fight. Reluctantly he rolled over on his side and pushed the corner of his sleep pants down.
Krycek reached over and grabbed Mulder's hand.
"It's going to be okay, Fox."
"Well sure you can say that, you're not the one getting a huge needle stuck in his ass."
"Don't worry, Mulder, I'm going to give Krycek a shot of antibiotic also."
"You heard the woman, drop your pants." Fox was having a grand time, I wondered if Dana might have put something extra in the shot. Alex looked to me for permission and then scooted down and stretched out along side Fox.
He started to pull the corner of his sleep pants down, but Dana stopped him. "I want to listen to your lungs first. Go ahead and sit back up."
Alex sat back up and Dana reached over and put her hand on his shoulder. He winced at the contact. I thought he might be getting nervous, but Dana frowned and slipped the top of his shirt down over his shoulder.
The bruise was large and livid. I had forgotten Alex had fell into the coffee table earlier. Dana was gently twisting Alex's shoulder around, checking the damage.
"I want to take Krycek into the guest room to finish my examination." Dana stated more than asked.
"Is something wrong?" Something was wrong and I wanted to know what it was before I let her talk to Alex alone.
"How did Krycek get that bruise?" Dana asked Fox and me, there was a tinge of accusation in her voice.
"Scully ask Alex, he's sitting right here."
Dana folder her arms across her chest and narrowed her blue eyes. I felt like I was looking at my mother when I was ten years old.
"What happened to your shoulder, Krycek?"
"I fell." Alex had that bewildered expression he got sometimes when he was afraid he had done something wrong, but didn't know what.
"Is that true?" Dana addressed me again.
"Of course it's true, what is this about?" Fox croaked out. We could both tell Alex was getting upset. He was lying back down beside Fox, curled up and trying to hide from our increasingly angry voices.
Dana didn't back down. She nodded her head toward the hallway and asked me to join her. I followed her out, casting a quick look at my boys.
I shut the door to muffle our voices, since it was obvious Dana didn't want them to hear. "All right, were alone now. Are you going to tell me what going on?"
"Look Walter, I know the history here. I watched Mulder use Krycek as a punching bag for years. I may not like him, but I will not stand by if one or the both of you are abusing him."
"Abusing him," I hissed. I couldn't believe what she was accusing. "Dana, it was an accident. Alex fell. It's a simple as that."
"What about the bruises on his hips? What other damage would I find if I had Krycek take off his clothes?" She must have seen his hips when he started to lower the corner of his pants. I had forgot all about those bruises too.
I could feel my face heat up, as much as I wanted to make Dana understand, talking about my sex life with her was still embarrassing. "We got a little rough last night during sex."
"If that's true, then you won't object to a full examination."
"Dana, I don't think that will be necessary. Alex is not a victim of abuse. I wouldn't let that happen. I know you don't want to accept this, but Fox and I both love him very much. We wouldn't hurt him." Even as the words left my mouth, I knew they sounded like typical words from an abusing partner. It hurt, that Dana would think this of me and Fox. I put my feelings aside, knowing that what mattered was Alex.
"I want to believe you, but the bruises..." Dana looked unsure. I understood. As a doctor she couldn't ignore the evidence and as a woman she couldn't ignore the signs, but as our friend, she knew we weren't really capable of abuse. "I'll take you at your word, for now. But Walter, I will not turn my back, if I see anymore signs of abuse."
"Thank you, for trusting me." I pulled her into a hug. "And thank you for be concerned about Alex."
She hugged me back and then let go enough to look up at me. "I do trust you and Mulder. I'm sorry I accused you."
"You were just concerned. Maybe we should go back inside, now."
When we stepped back in the bedroom, Alex was still curled up hiding against Fox. Fox looked up and started to ask us a question; I mouthed 'Later' and went to sit beside him.
Dana leaned over and whispered to Alex, to sit up and let her listen to his lungs. She was being gentle and soothing, since it was obvious he was upset, but Alex wouldn't budge. I joined her, and finally coaxed Alex to sit up, but he wouldn't look at Dana or speak to her. She finished her examination as best she could and then prepared another shot of antibiotic.
I eased Alex's sleep pants down over his hip and I could see the bruises she had first witnessed. They were not pretty. Her accusations seemed much more valid now. Dana administered the shot and patted Alex on the hip.
As she pack her doctor's bag, she told me to make sure they both got plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids. Typical doctor's orders. Dana said she would be by tomorrow to check on them. Fox thanked her, but Alex had still remained quiet. I started to escort her to the door, but she said she could find her own way. We shared a brief hug, and then I thanked her again for coming over and her concern.
When I got back to the bedroom, Fox was trying to get Alex's mind off of what happened. I missed part of the conversation, walking in just in time to hear Fox say, "You topped...Walter?" Fox was shocked, but then his lips curled into a slow lazy smile. "Now there is an image, I cannot wait to see."
"Don't worry, you'll have many opportunities, Alex is very talented." Our little rat had the decency to blush, even as he preened at the praise.
"I can't believe I feel this rotten." Fox blew his nose again. I would have to get to the store for more tissues, if he kept this up.
"This is the point where in sappy romance novels, some serious mad passionate lovemaking would commence."
"That's okay, Fox, we have the rest of our lives."
"Listen to you, Alex, youre always horny." Fox laughed.
Alex cast his eyes downward, Fox's words obviously hurting him. Fox looked up when Alex said nothing in response and finally noticed Alex's sad expression.
"Alex? What's the matter?"
"Nothing." I wanted to butt in and tell Fox, but I wanted Alex to tell Fox himself.
"How come you never wanted to top me?" He was clearly offended he had missed out on one of Alex's skills.
"I wanted to, but you never let me."
"Baby, I just assumed you didn't want to."
"It's not my favorite, but I like it once in a while." Alex looked at me and then back at Fox, deciding if he should go on. "And sometimes, I want to make love, but I'm too sore."
"Too sore. You've never mentioned being too sore."
Alex was quiet for a long time and I thought, at first, he might have fallen asleep, but I could tell by the way he was breathing, he was still awake. I knew what he was doing and told him to quit biting his nails. I could see his shoulder move as he moved his hand away from his face.
Fox was giving me a look that asked how I knew what Alex was doing. I mouthed, 'Bad habit, to avoid talking.'
"Alex, don't you like it when we have sex?" Alex nodded in response to Fox's question, but still wouldn't roll over and face us. "Don't you like me to be rough? I thought you enjoyed our game?"
Alex had buried himself so far down in his pillow; we could barely hear his mumbled, "Sometimes." He suddenly flipped over and hid his face in Fox's shoulder. "I wish sometimes you would be gentle."
"But you like it rough." Alex was shaking his head no. "But you..."
"Anything you want, Fox, as long as you love me."
"Alex, I do love you. If we never had sex again, I would still love you. Don't you know that?" I suspected Fox had never actually said the words before to Alex, but I could see Alex nod his head against Fox's neck.
"Sometimes... Alex had lifted his head out of Fox's neck, when he started to speak, but then buried it again.
"Sometimes what?" Fox stoked his hand over the back of Alex's head, encouraging him to continue. I was proud of Fox; he was being kind and patient with Alex. I hadn't seen this side of him in a while.
Alex raised his head up and looked straight into Fox's eyes, his own eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Sometimes, it doesn't feel like a game. Sometimes it hurts."
Fox's face crumpled. My heart was breaking for both my boys and I wanted badly to intervene, but Alex needed to learn to stand up for himself, and say what he wanted.
"I...I really did hurt you?" Fox was on the verge of tears; his voice already hoarse from his cold, sounded even worse.
"No...Yes. But I let you."
I could see how conflicted Alex was becoming. He wanted to make Fox understand, but he didn't want to hurt his feelings.
"I thought it was part of our game, you struggling and telling me no. God, Alex, I'm so sorry." Fox looked up at me, I could see the dawning of understanding in his grief stricken eyes.
"This is what Scully was talking to you about, wasn't it?"
"Fox, I explained to Dana what happened and she understands. She was just concerned."
"But, she thought I was abusing Alex. Do you think that?" He turned to Alex. "Do you think I abused you? Raped you?"
"No!" Alex started crying and his whole body was trembling. I didn't know whom to comfort first. The situation was getting out of control.
"Fox. Alex. Stop it." I grabbed both of them and pulled into my arms. Fox struggled until I let him go. He was having trouble catching his breath and I was afraid he was going to hyperventilate.
"How can you stand to touch me?" Fox managed to choke out between gasps for air. "For me to touch you?"
"Fox, listen to me. Dana was concerned. That's all. She doesn't think you're abusing Alex. She knows you better than that." I squeezed Alex tighter against my chest. His sobs were interspersed with little whimpers, but he hadn't spoken a word. "We know you better than that."
Fox blew his nose and wiped the tears from his eyes. He looked at me, trying to decide if I was sincere. He must have seen what he needed, because his face and body visibly relaxed. I nodded my head down to where Alex was still sobbing against my chest, we both needed to calm him down.
I watched as Fox struggled to sit up. The last of his energy was fading fast. He reached a trembling, unsure hand toward Alex and touched his back. Alex immediately reacted to the touch. He twisted out of my arms and flung himself into Fox's. Fox buried his face in Alex's hair. I couldn't hear what he was whispering, but it had the needed effect on Alex.
Alex's sobs had finally subsided and Fox helped me sit him up and wipe his face. "Are we okay?"
Alex nodded his head, but I knew for this to be finished, Fox needed to hear the words. I reached out and brushed my palm across Fox's cheek. "Yes."
Fox relaxed back down against his pillow and finally shut his eyes. His breathing was still labored, but his face was calm and peaceful. Alex traced Fox's closed lids with his finger.
"I love you." Fox's eyes blinked open at Alex's quiet words.
"I love you, both of you." With those words, he finally drifted off to sleep.
I didn't notice Alex go into a seizure until his body landed with a loud thud on the floor. I dove around the bed to his side and tried to hold his body steady until the seizure ran its course. It only lasted for a couple of minutes, but during that time, it seemed like an hour. As suddenly as it started, it was over.
Alex hadn't had a seizure in a long while. I had hoped we had seen the last of them, but I guess the stress of the last twenty-four hours, coupled with being ill, caused too much strain on him.
I picked Alex up and place him on the bed beside Fox. His brow felt cool to the touch. Alex usually slept for an hour or two after his seizures, so I tucked the covers under his chin, and then turned my attention back to Fox. I had set a basin of cool water on the nightstand; to wipe away Fox's fevered sweat. It seemed only to help for a little while and as soon as Fox would have a coughing spell, the fever would spike again.
I tried to make him as comfortable as possible, but he kept tossing and turning, unable to find a position to ease his labored breathing. Alex had refused to sleep in the guest room, where he would be more comfortable, claiming he didn't want to leave Fox while he was sick. But I knew he also didn't want to be alone. In the end, it was easier on me to have them both in one room.
The sun sneaking in through the blinds woke me up. I squeezed my eyes a couple of times, trying to adjust to the light. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep. My exhaustion must have caught up with me sometime during the night.
I did feel better, but the ache in my lower back reminded me, I was getting too old to sleep in a chair.
Fox was still asleep, but his breathing didn't sound like it had improved any over night. His forehead was still hot and I could feel the shivers going through Foxs body, and I wished I could do something to stop them. I placed a tender kiss against Foxs forehead, hoping for him to recover soon.
I looked around the bedroom and then in the bathroom. Alex was nowhere to be found. I was just about to call out for him, when the door to the bedroom opened and Alex waltzed in, carrying a tray laden with coffee, juice and something that smelled suspiciously like oatmeal.
"What have you got here?" I gave Alex a kiss on the cheek, checking his temperature with my lips, while I took the tray from him.
"I made breakfast." Alex said it like it was a normal occurrence. I knew for a fact he hated to cook.
"I can see that. Thank you." I set the tray on the nightstand and waved him to sit in my chair. "How long have you been up?"
"For a while." Alex reached for a cup of coffee, but decided on orange juice after he caught a glimpse of my frown.
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"You looked tired, so I thought I would let you get some sleep."
"Alex, you had a seizure last night."
"I don't remember."
Before I could respond, the doorbell rang. I hoped it was Dana, but wondered if it was, why she didn't just let herself in. I sent Alex downstairs to see who was here this early.
I could hear him at the door. It was Dana and she immediately started admonishing Alex for being out of bed. I didn't hear his reply, but when they both entered the bedroom, Alex crawled into the bed beside Fox and woke him up.
Fox struggled to sit up and looked around the room at the three of us. "What are you doing here, Scully?"
I gently grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back down, without much difficulty. Fox gave up, knowing he probably wouldnt have enough strength to attempt that again. He was already out of breath, from just trying to sit up.
I let go of his shoulder, and moved around to the other side of the bed, next to Alex and getting out of Danas way. I just stood by the edge of the bed, glaring at Fox while I folded my arms over my chest, daring him to try and sit up again.
"I promised I would be back to check on the two of you today. And it's a good thing I did, Mulder. You look and sound even worse than yesterday."
Im fine. Fox objected. Dana pulled out her stethoscope and put it on Fox's chest.
"Couldnt you have warmed that thing up?" Fox hissed, as he reflexively backed away.
"Sorry. Now stop moving and take in a deep breath." Dana replied.
Fox tried to do what she said, but he started coughing soon after he tried to take in a breath. As the fit subsided, he glared at Dana once again.
"Okay." She said. "Let's try that again, but this time, not so fast. And hold it in as long as you can."
Again he tried to take in a deep breath, but this time he was able to exhale before he began coughing. He struggled to suppress his coughs while Dana put her stethoscope away. Fox tried to roll over and away from her, but Dana grabbed his wrist before he could get too far.
"Come on, Mulder, stop acting like a baby and let me do my job."
"I'm not acting like a baby," he whined. Dana shook her head and started preparing a shot.
"What's that?" Fox said glaring at the offensive needle in her hands.
"It's another round of antibiotics and then I am going to give you something to help decrease the fever. If it doesn't break soon, we're going to have to put you in the hospital."
"I'm not going to the hospital."
"The hospital's not bad and I...I don't want you to die." Alex was sitting beside Fox on the bed.
"I'm not going to die, Alex. It's just a bad cold." Fox put his hand on Alex's cheek and brushed a tear away that had spilled out of Alex's eyes.
Another coughing fit struck him and he clung to Alexs body, trying to control the hacking coughs. After a few moments they stopped, but he rubbed his fist against his aching chest. He moved slightly back away from Alex and looked at Dana, at me, and then back to Alex. "If I'm not better in a couple of days, I'll go to the hospital without a fuss."
"I'll hold you to that." Dana smirked. She turned and looked at Alex, who had unsuccessfully tried to slip out of the bed. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Better." We could hardly understand his mumbled reply. Before I had a chance to say anything, Fox reached over and pulled Alex back on the bed and his hand away from his mouth.
"Krycek...Alex? Let me take your temperature and check your lungs. Okay?"
"I'm fine." Alex tilted his chin up and looked straight into Dana's eyes. His words and bearing conveying his message loud and clear. Dana met his gaze head-on. She reached out to grab his wrist, but he jerked his hand away.
"Alex, I'm sorry about last night. I was concerned about you."
"Walter and Fox take good care of me. They would never hurt me."
"I know and I'm sorry I ever doubted them. Can you forgive me?" Dana's sincere words were spoken to Alex, but I could tell she meant them for all of us.
Alex was still undecided, looking between Fox and me, trying to gage our reactions and trying to find direction. I had already forgiven Dana and Fox could never stay mad at Dana very long. This was a decision I wanted Alex to make on his own.
"Okay." Alex kept his eyes wary but didn't object when she reached over again to examine him. She finished up and patted him on the knee.
"Your temperature is normal and your lungs sound clear, but I don't want you overexerting yourself today."
"Okay." Alex suddenly had Dana enveloped in a hug. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head and she hesitated a moment and then returned the embrace. Fox caught her eyes and gave her a smirk. Dana just rolled her eyes, but her warm smile gave me the impression, she was beginning to see Alex in a different light and accept him a little more. Who knows, maybe someday they would be friends. Stranger things have happened.
I looked down at Fox, who was sleeping soundly in my arms. Foxs face still felt warm against my arm. I disentangled myself from him, and stood up. I looked down at my sleeping lover, watching as he rolled over in his sleep, grabbing one of the pillows and holding it close to his body. I couldnt help but smile at the sight. Fox was just too adorable when he slept, even when he was sick, although he was not the easiest patient.
I leaned over, pulling the blankets up around Fox, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible. It had been a week since Fox had gotten sick, and although he was getting better, I couldnt help but continue to worry about him. He came close to developing pneumonia, but medicines, combined with rest, kept him out of the hospital. I leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Foxs temple before moving away from the bed.
Alex had been a lot of help over the past week. He had taken turns sitting with Fox to keep him from being bored when he was awake. Alex has also kept up with the laundry and dishes; leaving me free to get some much needed rest.
It was a different side to Alex, I had not seen before. His confidence seemed to grow with each completed task and the accompanying praise I made sure not to forget to give. He was no longer fearful of doing the wrong thing or making a bad decision. Alex did make some wrong choices, like mixing darks and whites in the laundry, but instead of punishment, I explained the right way to do it. It was such a minor incident and didn't merit me administering a spanking.
That is not to say Alex didn't still get into trouble. Like the day he snuck out to go to the store while I was taking a nap, to get Fox some ice cream. Fox argued about Alex getting punished, but Alex knew he was wrong to leave the house alone and he also knew the consequences.
The spanking was short and to the point. Alex didn't put up his usual fight, which made sense, when afterwards; he said it was worth it to do something special for Fox. I made him lie down beside Fox and take a short nap, and then explained to Fox why I had to reinforce the rules I had made for Alex.
Fox had yet to witness one of Alex's seizures, so he didn't realize the severity of Alex being out alone. Alex hadn't had another seizure since the night Fox took ill, but it was the worse one so far. It was hard to know, when and if, Alex had a seizure, since he still didn't remember having them.
It was another week before Dana let Fox off of bed rest. Fox had been a difficult patient, bitching and moaning about the inactivity and about being bored. I could tell, however, he enjoyed being pampered and taken care of.
Fox was afraid. Although he said he understood, Dana's words still haunted him. I thought after she had given him a clean bill of health, the first thing he would want is for the three of us to make love. But instead, Fox found any reason he could think of, to avoid the subject.
He finally confessed to me the reason. Fox was afraid he would end up hurting Alex the way he had before. I tried to assuage his fears, but he would have none of it. I explained to him that his actions, or non-actions, were having a negative effect on Alex and that he was hurting Alex by rejecting him physically.
I thought maybe Fox should let Alex top him, but then I realized that was just avoiding the real issue. Until Fox could prove to himself, that he could make love to Alex without hurting him, nothing would be solved.
We all still slept in the same bed, but Fox conveniently maneuvered me to the middle each night. We didn't make love. At least not the three of us together. We all had taken to relieving ourselves in the shower alone, until Alex finally approached me about Fox's distance.
I explained to him Fox's fears and suggested that he try seducing Fox. Alex thought was a good idea. Alex told me of his plan visually entice Fox so much that he couldn't stand it any more. Then hopefully, Fox would just sweep him off his feet and carry him off to the bedroom.
So far, Fox had resisted his considerable charms admirably, not really giving Alex any reaction whatsoever.
Alex turned the heat up on his seduction and it was a show I didn't want to miss. I now understood Fox's fascination with watching. The whole routine Alex devised was scripted like a cheap porno. I suspected Alex hoped that in itself would turn Fox on.
I had been watching Alex's show from the beginning; hiding just inside the kitchen, but where I still had a good view.
Alex stretched languidly on the couch, arranging himself as appealingly as possible, making sure his shirt rode up just right, and positioning his knees casually spread apart. I heard Fox approaching, and I knew Alex was going to go crazy soon, if Fox didn't start responding to his seduction routine. He had put on his tightest jeans, and his tightest shirt, just to watch TV, hoping for a chance to seduce Fox.
Fox walked into the room, glanced over at Alex on the couch, and sat down in his favorite chair and switched on the TV.
"Hey, Fox?" Alex called out casually.
"Yeah?" Fox darted his eyes in Alex's direction.
Alex got up off the couch and sauntered over to Fox, stretching to show off his abdomen. Fox wasn't as fixated on Alex's stomach as I was, but it didn't stop me from enjoying the view.
Alex leaned over Fox's shoulder and said, "Whatcha doin', Fox?"
"Trying to find something to watch," Fox grunted.
I could see Fox's reaction all over his face, but Alex couldn't. I noticed when he had leaned over Fox, his jeans pulled up so tight that I could see his firm ass and that he wasn't wearing any underwear. I felt myself get painfully hard as I contemplated what I loved doing with that sweet body.
To Alex, Fox was as unmoved as a rock. And unfortunately, Alex was now hard as a rock. He gave up and flopped back on the couch, disgusted. He looked over and was startled to see he had an audience; his eyes met my very interested gaze.
My eyes raked very deliberately over Alex's aroused, exposed form. Alex hadn't even realized I was there; I had moved quietly into the room while Alex had been trying to entice Fox. Alex stared back at me; I could tell he was as hungry as I was.
Fox abruptly left the room, so our green-eyed rat wouldn't see just how successful his attempts at arousal were. Alex couldn't see how difficult it was for Fox to withstand the assault; but I was in a better position to see than Alex.
Alex was undeniably sexy, and only a blind idiot would deny it. And he looked especially sexy tonight. When Alex flopped back down on the couch, turning his back on Fox, he didn't see Fox stalk out of the room, with a huge bulge in his jeans and a desperate look in his eyes.
I feasted my eyes on Alex, his own arousal pressed tight against the buttons of his jeans and his legs spread apart enticingly. I looked up and met glazed green eyes, and decided to take care of what Fox was afraid to.
Alex watched as I slowly moved further into the room and approached the couch. He stared up at me, his eyes tracking slowly over my jeans, which clearly outlined my erection.
I looked down at Alex, staring pointedly at the bulge in the front of the very tight jeans, and said, "Can I help you with that?"
Alex stared, unable to think clearly. He was, all hard and frustrated, and the way I was looking at him made him moan.
I smiled as Alex accepted my invitation by nodding and licking his lips. I was transfixed by his tongue darting out of his mouth and running over his full bottom lip. I stripped off my shirt and sank to my knees beside the couch, running my hand up Alex's thigh, just to the edge of the waist of his jeans.
Alex whimpered as my hand brushed lightly over the front of his jeans. He watched my hands as I pushed his shirt up and stopped to admire his exposed stomach. My fingers traced up his chest and I made tiny teasing circles around his nipples. He arched off the couch, wanting more of my teasing touch.
My trapped arousal throbbed; Alex was so responsive, the slightest touch making him react. This was going to be fun. I intended to make Alex very happy tonight.
Alex arched again, driven wild by my teasing fingers. Then he gasped when I leaned down and flicked my tongue against the small stiff nubs.
I expertly licked at Alex's nipples, trailing my fingers up and down Alex's stomach and thighs at the same time, occasionally brushing over Alex's straining arousal. Soon he was panting with need. His eyes nearly rolled back in his head when I took hold of the top button of his jeans, unfastened them and slowly reaching inside.
"I..." Alex's voice was full of need and desire. "Please..."
I smiled as I unbuttoned the tight jeans and revealed that Alex wore nothing underneath, as I had suspected. Alex's cock was wet with excitement, begging to be touched. I tugged at his jeans, and Alex arched up so they could be easily removed.
Alex reached out and ran his hand over my torso, smiling appreciatively. He tugged at the waistband. I smiled, stood up and quickly shed my jeans, enjoying the way Alex's eyes roamed over my body for a long moment. I kneeled back down beside Alex and began kissing Alex's lower stomach, slowly approaching his fully aroused cock.
I licked delicately, just tasting the moisture gathered at the tip of Alex's hardness. Alex tasted wonderful; I continued to lick down his length slowly. Alex moaned and thrust his hips up, wanting more contact. But I intended to take my time.
I wrapped my hand around Alex's erection, pulling it so it pointed straight up. Then I put my mouth on just the wet tip, tracing the sensitive head with my tongue. Alex nearly screamed as he felt my hot mouth on him, teasing him. He couldn't keep himself from moaning wantonly and begging for more.
I swirled his tongue around the head of Alex's cock, flicking at the ultra-sensitive spots expertly. Slowly I lowered my head, holding Alex's hips down because he couldn't hold still. Alex's moans went straight to my aching erection. Giving my sensual rat pleasure was turning me on even more.
I threw my desire into what I was doing, sucking, nibbling and stroking every inch of Alex's erection. Finally, knowing Alex was close to the edge, I settled into a steady rhythm, bobbing my head up and down, following my mouth with a hand wrapped around the hardness, so there was constant friction and pressure on Alex's length.
Alex lay back against the cushions, gasping as I drove him crazy, pulsing inevitably toward completion. That was the moment Fox chose to walk back in.
"Fox!" he cried out, and climaxed, filling my waiting mouth. Gasping for breath, Alex literally couldn't move, completion robbing him of his strength.
I looked up, licking my lips, and smirked at Fox's arousal. "Hello, Fox. You look like you're happy to see us. Care to join us?"
I looked down at Alex, my heart and cock aching. I had left the room earlier, unable to bear Alex's sensuality any longer. I had gotten myself under control, only to return to see Walter and Alex, together. The sight was an incredible turn on. Alex looked amazing, flushed and gorgeous and getting hard again. I wanted to join them, so badly. Suddenly I could no longer rationalize my fears.
I pulled off my shirt and leaned over the back of the couch, pulling Alex up by shoulders and kissing him hard. Alex moaned into the kiss, I could still feel the aftershocks of his climax trembling his body.
I released his mouth but not the rest of him; I couldn't believe the total trust I could see in his beautiful green eyes.
"Fox..." Alex's voice was deep and husky. My arousal almost erupting from the sound alone.
"I want you, Alex," I managed to growl, nearly insane with desire.
"Oh, god, I want you too, Fox. So much," Alex gasped, completely aroused once again.
I looked over at Walter. "Help me?" I whispered.
Walter nodded. He rose up and slid behind Alex on the couch. I released Alex, and he slumped boneless back onto Walter. He moaned, probably from when he felt Walter's insistent hardness dig into him. I walked around to the front of the couch, stripping my clothes quickly. Alex stared at me like a hungry lion about to feast on a zebra.
I gently spread Alex's legs apart and kneeled between. Alex moaned helplessly as I exposed him, running my fingers over the silken skin of his inner thighs. Walter thrust a tube of lube into my hands and then wrapped his arms around Alex from behind, running his hands over Alex's stomach and chest, occasionally brushing his nipples.
When Alex felt my lubed fingers touch his entrance, he arched up off the couch.
I could feel Alex relax as I slipped a finger inside him. I slowly took my time stretching him, just caressing him inside like Walter was caressing his body. Alex just laid back and moaned, obviously enjoying our combined touch.
When I removed my fingers, Alex protested loudly. But then I was moving him gently to his knees on the floor and guiding his head to Walter's lap. I grabbed Alex by the hips and pulled him back, using my legs to spread his apart. Walter held his shoulders, and Alex moaned when he felt my hands kneading and spreading his ass cheeks apart, exposing him.
"Fox." Walter's voice was a sultry whisper I would never get over hearing. "Are you ready? Are you sure?"
Alex sobbed, "Oh, god, yes, Fox, take me, please. I want it so bad..."
"I'm going to give you what you need, Alex," I said as I thrust into Alex's willing body.
Alex gasped; I had prepared him and had felt his channel around my fingers, but the real thing was so hot and tight. It felt so good, stretching him, opening him, filling him. He started to pant as I slowly slid inside him; the pressure was unbelievable. I was soon fully inside Alex. I paused, afraid I would cum too soon. I looked at Walter holding Alex's head just in front of his straining cock.
Alex raised his head; he looked straight at my neglected erection, dripping and trembling. He smiled up at me. His eyes were clouded with need.
I was incredibly turned on; not only from watching my two beautiful boys have sex, but also from the blowjob I had given Alex earlier. And the way Alex was looking at my cock didn't help.
"I," groaned Alex as Fox started to thrust, "Let me taste you."
I whimpered, unable to resist, and slid forward on the couch so he could reach my cock.
Fox watched Alex take my cock in his mouth, and my passion surged higher than I had ever thought possible. Alex's mouth so hot, his swollen lips wrapped around my cock was a sight I would never grow tired of.
Fox slowly slid in and out him, building up speed. He gripped Alex's slim hips, almost too gently. His thrust sending Alex's mouth up and down me. I tried not to thrust up into that hot mouth, but Alex was too good, and soon I was moaning continuously. I buried my hands in Alex's dark hair as he licked my arousal.
Fucked from behind by Fox, my hard cock in his mouth, both our hands all over him, Alex was in sensory overload. Fox's erection deep inside him touched all the right spots, driving him higher with every thrust. Every thrust pushed him forward, and he took me deeper into his mouth. Then Fox reached down and started pumping Alex's cock.
I was getting off on watching the scene before me as well as from Alex's mouth on me. When Fox grabbed Alex's arousal, Alex moaned loudly and sent vibrations all along my cock. With a strangled cry, I climaxed, pumping my hot seed into Alex's mouth.
Alex swallowed, with just a little of my climax dribbling from the side of his mouth. He licked his lips and looked up at me, I smiled at him and mouthed, "Thank you." Then I reached down and started to tease Alex's hard nipples.
Under a triple assault of pleasure, poor Alex succumbed. Pleasure radiated out from his lower body, agonizingly intense, and he screamed, "Oh, god, Fox!" as the passion started to course from his cock. Pulse after pulse, Alex sobbed his completion.
The sound of his name on Alex's lips, Alex's climax, and the presence of me watching robbed Fox of the last of his control. Fox climaxed, thrusting one more time into Alex. His climax was blindingly, frighteningly beautiful agony, as he emptied himself into Alex.
"Alex, I love you," he whispered, as he pulled Alex up against him, still inside. We lingered in our embrace, until I urged them to get up. We managed to get upstairs and then collapsed into a tangle of sweaty limbs. Alex and Fox didn't stir for the rest of the evening, but I carefully detached myself from the two of them and set about cleaning us up.
Fox noticed it first; my seizures were becoming more frequent and lasted a little longer each time. They took me back to the doctors, who merely increased my medicine, without blinking an eye.
I hate taking the pills the doctors prescribed; they made me sleepy and confused. But I learned to accept taking them without complaint. Walter's hand made sure of that.
Fox suggested we call Scully and have her give me an examination. He still didn't trust any doctors but his best friend. None of it mattered to me; I understood when the doctors said that there was a six to eighteen month period in which my brain would heal. It had only been six months. By my calculations, I still had a year to get better.
Scully gave me a thorough examine; she had read my recent medical files and said she was pretty sure she knew what was happening and she was surprised my attending physician hadn't talked to us about it, instead of adopting a wait and see attitude.
She took Fox and Walter through a round of detailed questions, while I sat quietly by watching and listening. I knew I had seizures only because they told me, but I never remembered having one.
After hearing both Fox and Walter both describe several incidents, Scully offered her diagnosis. We all moved a little closer to each other, drawing comfort from each other and preparing for the worse.
"With Alex's traumatic brain injury, there was always small percentage of chance he would develop epilepsy within the first year, your doctor should have explained this to all of you. With the increase in frequency and duration, I would say that Alex is experiencing a tonic-clonic seizure, what we used to hear referred to as a grand mal seizure."
Scully had started acting different towards me while Fox was sick. Fox said it was because she no longer hated or resented my presence in their lives. I didn't know she had a problem with me, except for that whole abuse fiasco, but I was glad she liked me now. I got to see William a lot more.
"We can start Alex on medication to control the seizures, but I want you to understand there are a number of side affects to the drugs."
"What kind of side effects are we talking about?"
"The most common effect Alex may experience is sleepiness. This would pass as his body becomes adjusted to the medication. Sometimes the drugs may make you feel unsteady and 'woozy'; this is usually a sign that the dose is too high and needs to be altered."
"Alex's balance is already impaired." Walter looked over me with a kind of sad look in his eyes. He probably is remembering I used to be graceful. I just shrugged, I know I'm clumsy and I've learned to adapt. It was one of the things that made me so good at my former profession, being adaptable.
"That is just an short term effect, until we get the balance of medication right."
"What about long term effects." Fox squeezed my hand; he had been scared the first time he witnessed one of my seizures. When the seizure was over, Walter had just calmly picked me up and put me in bed, explaining to Fox that the doctor had said unless the seizure lasted for more than five minutes or I was injured during it, not to be worried.
"The long term effects can vary, you may experience poor memory and concentration, irritability and sometimes over activity. In some cases, patients have had swollen gums, acne and weight gain."
"I don't want to get fat." Okay, it's not that I'm vain, but compared to Walter and Fox, I'm fat.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, we'll love you even if you turn into a chubby rat."
I glared at Walter, sure he could joke, the man was built like a Greek god with little or no effort and Fox was still as long and lean as he had always been.
Scully covered her laugh with a fist, but I heard her. She shouldn't laugh, after all, it wasn't like she was super model material. She must have noticed I wasn't very pleased with her amusement. Scully sobered a bit and she continued telling us what to expect.
"I would like to run an EEG and do some blood work, then start Alex on a low dosage of medication to try and control the seizures. You may be faced with a tricky choice between having no seizures but some side effects, or having occasional seizures and no side effects. At the end of the day, it's your decision."
"What about alternative treatments." That's my Fox, always searching for something different.
"I watched a show on PBS once, about...I think they were called seizure alert dogs."
I'm more interested now, because, well I want a dog. I had kept up my campaign to get a dog for a long time, until Walter had put his foot down, actually it was his hand on my butt, and said no dog.
"Mulder, I've read studies on alert dogs, and nothing conclusive has been decided."
"But it's possible." It was like watching Fox and Scully back when they were partners. Scully once again the voice of reason to one of his theories of an extreme possibilities, but she needed to shut up. She wasn't helping the 'Alex gets a dog' cause a bit.
"How can a dog help with Alex's seizures?" Walter was intrigued, having been raised around farm and hunting dogs. I was counting on this to help my new campaign to get a dog.
"Seizure alert dogs are trained to recognize the specific body changes an epileptic goes through before the onset of a seizure giving the person the ability to predict seizures and allowing them to engage in more activities than before."
"So, I could get a dog and then Fox and Walter wouldn't have to not leave me alone anymore." I piped in. Playing the convenience card should help my cause.
"In effect, yes. One study showed that there was a significant reduction in the frequency of the seizures, as well."
I looked up a Walter; I was getting excited about the prospect of getting a dog. I wondered how hard it was going to be to persuade Walter into letting me have one. I knew Fox would help; he wanted a dog too.
"We're not talking about a pet, Alex, this would be a working dog." Walter must have been reading my mind again. I hate it when he does that.
"Actually, the more of a bond between the patient and the alert dog, the better chance of success." Fox to the rescue.
"This is not an overnight solution. It takes months to train a qualified candidate, and there are waiting lists for dogs that have a natural inclination towards this. It can take awhile to match the right dog to the right person."
"I guess we should start right away, then."
Yeah, I'm getting a dog. I wonder what I'll name him.
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